Category Archives: Uncategorized

Yesterday I noticed a billboard for a radio station in town advertising their upcoming Sexiest Costume Contest.  Really?  So, as you might expect, I’ve given this some thought and here are the top 10 costumes that I think would be sexy and why:

1. Someone wearing a Geek Squad uniform.  I am constantly in need of computer/internet service and I find it sexy when someone can get me back on-line.

2. Someone wearing an outfit for cleaning … you know, like those yellow rubber gloves and carrying a pail of cleaning supplies.  Please, who doesn’t find it sexy to have someone clean their house?

3. Someone wearing a Pizza Hut delivery uniform. No explanation necessary.

4. Someone, anyone with a tool belt with real tools.  I definitely need some repair work here (no comments please!).

5. Anyone dressed as an airline employee holding a ticket to Hawaii with my name on it.

6. Someone dressed up as Hamburger Helper.  Any food item that takes 30 minutes or less is sexy in my book.

6. Someone in a wet suit.  Tight black swimwear and gonna swim a mile in a weedy lake?  Seriously hot!

7. Someone dressed up as a Lite Brite.  I still have romantic memories of my first Lite Brite and when you stand near an outlet someone can plug you in!

8. Anyone with an accent – regardless of what they are wearing.  A real accent. Not one from Canada.  I’ll take Javier Bardem.

9. Someone dressed as the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters.  I’ve always had a thing for big, white and fluffy.

10. Someone reading my blog.

I bet you all have some great ones too.  Have a fun day!

Loving our children, spouses and friends (usually!) comes naturally.  However, when that child, spouse or friend is in a difficult place sometimes we have to learn to love them differently.  In situations where they don’t seem to be helping themselves, eventually we have to find a way to love them and at the same time let go of the desire to help  or save them from their situation.  This is a lesson I have not yet learned.

I have someone in my life who I have been trying to help for many years.  I approached the situation in what I thought was a logical way (the lawyer in me!) – if he’s hurting, I should try to help him avoid that pain.   The opposite didn’t feel right to me … allowing him to continue on his path in a direction I knew would cause him, and others around him, more pain.  I figured that I knew the best plan of attack to solving the situation (my ego).  I never really consistently encouraged him to be accountable for his actions.  However, here I am many years later and nothing has changed for him.  It’s time to let go.

The struggle I’m having is what does letting go mean?  And how to you let go of someone who you know needs help?   I don’t have the answers.  What I do know is that letting go doesn’t mean I don’t care.  It also doesn’t mean cutting him off.  It does mean that I can’t control, change, or try to manage his life and relationships any more.  It means that I can be supportive but not allow what is happening in his life to affect my life, my health or my relationships.  This sounds simple but I’m not sure how it will work in real “time,” as they say.

I must secretly admit, however, that since this decision to “let go,”  I feel a bit freer knowing that I don’t have to constantly “help” (as I write that sentence, I feel a  guilty … why shouldn’t I help when I’ve been so fortunate? Clearly one of those “tapes” I’m going to have to destroy).   Intellectually, I know I am not responsible for what happens to him … but not everything is intellectually motivated.  In the interim, I am going to continue to be encouraging, supportive and will turn that extra attention on to my family.

Look out kids – you’ve got my attention now (I hear a collective groan at my house)!!!

Have a wonderful day!

I don’t plan to discuss politics or religion in this blog.   I can’t say the same about our family obsession  –  sports.  I am going to have to address this issue.

We fight for the sport section in the morning.  We get three sporting magazines.  My kids wear sports shirts for their school pictures!  I have a swim cap with a big green G (I want one with a big red W!)   I’ve been known to scream and get a bit over zealous (including some choice words – shocking,, I know) when watching a game.  Two years ago I watched the Super Bowl with a friend and he commented that if he know about me and football he would have suggested we watch the game in a bar, where it’s loud and no one cares if I scream!  Moreover, it doesn’t matter what sport:  baseball in the summer, football (one of my sons says that College Game Day is his favorite “show”), college basketball, the Tour … we are obsessed.

I used to be a fan because when the “team” won, my (ex) husband was much happier – as were my kids.  Then, when I got divorced, we put in the decree that I would remain a fan of the “team” forever!  (believe it?)   Somehow it stuck, I got hooked and here I am – a total sports freak.

My kids are usually depressed the next day after one of our teams loses (I am too but let’s not focus on my adult bad behavior).  Last night was one of those nights for me.   The “officials” stunk.  At one point, every drive seemed to have a penalty. When our team lost in the last second to a hail mary we all went bonkers, screaming, a few choice words again (me), and the kids saying, “Really?  Really?  The league is going to allow those refs to work a game?” In the end, the sane one of the bunch, who was all decked out in green, said (… actually they were all sane last night except for me ….) “Mom, we played terrible the first half.  Yea, we should have won but did we deserve to win?”

Wow!  She’s way better than me.  I’m sticking with my frustration and I’ll try not to complain too much today!

Have a great Tuesday!!!

All my kids hate shopping for clothes.  They are fine with me buying them clothes, bringing them home, trying them on, returning them because they don’t fit and doing it all over again (multiple times –  like I am a personal shopper!).  This year I decided that I was going to reverse the tide and have them come with me so I would only have to make only one trip for school clothes.  This was my first mistake.  We started this weekend and I began with the boys.

We went to the mall and one got cranky almost immediately (this was a bad sign).  He let me know in no uncertain terms that we he was not going to buy pants at this particular store.  I put on my take-no-prisioners attitude and said that I really didn’t care (I might have been a bit more forceful than that) and I demanded that he try on 4 pairs of something  (second mistake).  By this point, my voice was raised and the store clerk was staying quite far away from us.  Yes, he did try on 4 pairs of pants but even those that I think he might have liked he refused to buy because I had thrown down the gauntlet … the walls of my plan were cracking and I was 15 minutes in.

Shortly thereafter, my phone rang – I took it (third mistake).  I proceeded to walk them toward a sporting goods store and whispered to them to look for pants and sweatshirts.  By the time I had gotten off the phone, they both had picked out expensive tennis shoes, which were not even on the list, and no pants and no sweatshirts.  I waived my red flag, took them home and picked up my daughter.

She also dislikes shopping.  What’s interesting to me is that when I think something looks fantastic, her eyes are rolling way back into her head!   How did I go from being a cool mom to one with no taste in clothes?  The icing on the cake yesterday was when we were in a store where I shop and she said,  “Those look like old people clothes. Sorry Mom.  Get used to it.”  We were able to get a few things and then left.  I was exhausted.

Clearly my little experiment didn’t work.  I am going to reclaim my title as the household personal shopper.  Life’s just a tad bit easier that way.

Have a great Monday!

The other day I was talking to one of my boys and he said, “I don’t always think you like who I am.”   It was one of those situations where I knew that the next 30 seconds and the words that came out of my mouth would hang with him forever.  I, of course, told him how much I love who he is…he’s funny, bright, really gets the “game of life,” cares about people, etc.!   I also, acknowledged the feeling he was getting from me, that I didn’t like what he was doing with “who he is” and then I explained what I meant by that.   I remember my daughter not long ago asking what I thought of her as a person and who she is becoming (she’s fantastic, of course!).  Geeze, here they are, allowing themselves to be vulnerable and trusting that I would be there for them.  These kids can’t be mine!  They are way more emotionally advanced than me!!!!

From an early age we are conditioned to believe that exposing our weaknesses and fears, particularly when being confronted, is a bad idea.   The truth is, of course, the exact opposite.  Moreover, as parents, we think we need to hide our vulnerability from our children, because we want to appear strong and want them to be strong.

At some point, a number of years back, I was having a very difficult time.   I was struggling with what was happening in my life.  I recall one night going in my room and just sobbing.  One of the kids came in and asked what was wrong.  As I started to talk, they all came in and sat on the bed with me.  One kept saying, “It’s ok to cry.  That means your real not fake.”  (kid-speak I guess!)  It was at that moment that I realized how critical it is to show kids what vulnerability looks like.  That it shows strength not weakness.  This, of course, is much easier than it sounds — and certainly much easier with kids than our friends and partners!

I might be wrong but I think it’s not only being vulnerable that is critical – but it’s also how we are when we make ourselves vulnerable.   If I open up, for example, and remain fearful (which I do quite often), the other person will not likely pick up my cues that I’m being vulnerable. This will result in a ton of hurt feelings and a 50 yard dash to my cave.  Sadly, while I love my beautifully decorated cave, it doesn’t really protect me or make me feel better.  It simply allows me to avoid that which I really should be experiencing.

As difficult as it is, vulnerability is the willingness to risk uncovering who we are and allowing even deeper connections with people.  I really believe, as hard as it is, and as bad as I am at it, that we can’t allow vulnerability to be an option.   Not with our kids, not with our partners and most certainly, not with ourselves.

Enjoy this beautiful Sunday!

What is it about a clean house that feels so fantastic?  I love the feeling of walking on the carpet just after it’s just been vacuumed (by someone else) or being able to look in the bathroom mirror without huge spit marks!  I love washing my hands in the sink, finally clean from all the globs of toothpaste left behind by the “younger” faction of my household (allow me to complain for one second: what’s the deal with kids leaving toothpaste remnants and clipped nails around in the bathroom?  Seriously, it is like a new concept every time I complain about this issue … ok, for another day, I suppose).

I have a thing about a clean house (yea, the control thing again).  I hate to admit this but I once ordered and read the guidebook, “Secret Confessions of a Clean Freak.”  It said that if I just spent 15 – 30 minutes a day (weekdays only – BTW) I could always have a clean house!  It’s this whole system with schedules and checklists! I’ll send you my well-worn copy if you like!  It sounded great. Yet, like the infomercials for the ab machine … use it for 5 minutes each day and you will have a 6-pack abs … my house was clean for less than two weeks.

Look, I like my kids’ room to be clean.  I don’t want dirty underwear under their bed or used Kleenex all over their nightstand (really, I am tired of that one).  I want to be able to find things in my closet (not happening yet!).  I want the kitchen cleaned up before I go to bed.

This week our garbage bin was overflowing.  One of the boys said, “I bet Mom was cleaning closets again.”  He was right.  Maybe this is yet another metaphor for a flaw about me.  I suppose it could also be a basis for some freudian therapy.  I like order, not chaos.  I like certainty and clarity.  I think less is more (except when I go out for dinner!).   I think maybe I should work on my own closet today.

Have a wonderful (and organized) Saturday!

Yes, I am a controlaholic.  I’m going to start a therapy group (at a local bar).  I don’t care if I am the only attendee because as you know I am perfectly happy having therapeutic conversations with myself (a .. yeah, like this blog!).  Let me also admit that my control issues are more than just tendencies – they (I am now making my control issues “they”) are completely and totally ingrained in all the fibers of my body (no comments, kids).  Sound familiar?

They say (who are “they?”?) that 92% of the things we worry about are beyond our control.  How can that be?  I’ve got a whole room in my cave dedicated to the justifications for my controlling behaviors.  I was going to start a fundraising campaign to build an entire wing!  Now “they” are telling me that 92% of those things I never could have controlled in the first place?  Please tell me how it’s controlling to force my kids to take sweatshirts to school when it’s going to be 70 degrees “just in case.”  Or to not let anyone else load the dishwasher “just in case” they can’t maximize the number of dishes in there (thanks to my friend for caring enough to call me out on my dishwasher issue).  Frankly, as I read my words, and many that I’ve erased, I am beginning to wonder about myself!

What is at the root of my being a controlaholic?  Simple.  I want to avoid the pain and uncertainty of life’s curve balls.  Who doesn’t?  Yet, truth be told, some of my greatest revelations about myself and those around me have come from those curve balls.

I’m going to work on this by letting go of something small each week  (I wrote each day but that was pushing it!).  First, I will try not to control (or get upset about) whether the kids forget to leave at least one extra roll of toilet paper in the bathroom “just in case” I’m stuck without one (which happens quite often).  I will work up to allowing my kids to decide whether they need the food I shove into their backpacks every day “just in case”  (hey, I’m Italian).   Then, I hope to begin letting go of things in my personal and professional life “just in case” the outcome results in my putting on a baseball glove and catching that 90 mile-an-hour curve ball  … (Ok, give me a few months for that one!).

Have a wonderfully control-free Friday!

Ever have those days were you are just moving so fast that it is almost out of control?  I had one:  I left the house at 7:15 a.m.  I never got to the office.  Multiple meetings before noon.  Almost forgot to pick up my daughter for an appt.  Ran out of juice on my headset by 1:45 and my phone by 2:30.  Ate lunch from a baggie (in my car).   But that is not what yesterday was about.  Before I start, let me apologize for the length of today’s post.

Yesterday a.m., I stopped for coffee and a guy was at a table fiddling with his cup.  A bit spilled out and I made a quick joke.  He looked up at me and he was crying.  This man was in his late 70’s.  I asked if he was ok and he said no, he had just put his wife in a care facility.  I was going to be late for my meeting but I had to sit down.   This guy, a total stranger, was telling me all about his wife, their marriage and her illness.  I could feel how much he loved her – it was so beautiful.  We finished our conversation, he got up, hugged me, told me that I had perfect timing and not such bad jokes.  I got in my car and sobbed – life is fragile and love is all that’s left when it’s over.  It was to be the first of three crying episodes.

That afternoon I found out that a friend’s husband is not doing well – he has complications from cancer.  I won’t go into detail but it hit me that one day life is fine and the next … with one diagnosis … and the entire picture changes.  This family has children the same age as mine – in their same school.  The reality hit me so hard that I cried … that was #2.

On my way to pick up the kids after soccer, I stopped to get gas and noticed a woman standing by her car crying (no sobbing).  I went in, paid for my gas and asked the cashier what was going on.  He told me that he wouldn’t turn on the pump because she had no money and she had no gas in her car.  I walked out, told her that I knew her life would get better and I gave her money for gas.  I got in my car and drove away, crying for the third time … knowing how painful her life felt at that moment.  I’ve been there.

Frankly, it was a day where I could have had my eyes closed to all that was going on around me – I know that happens more often than not!  Yet, someone plucked me out of my “world” three times to show me something important.  If I can see it, my kids can see it and then they can learn to keep their eyes open, remain present and make a difference.

I ended my day on a high note – with all the fantastic parents at my kids’ school.  To any parent reading this, let me say thank you.  I got back all the energy I gave out yesterday by the hugs and seeing/talking to you.  It reminded me how thankful I am to know you and to know that my kids are with your kids (and those fantastic teachers) every day.  Life doesn’t get better than that!

So, have a great day, keep your eyes open and Kleenex in your pocket.

A friend of mine is dedicated to his practice.  He is the closest thing to a “yogi” that I know – other than you, my lawyer friend turned yoga instructor.   He and I had lunch in July and he challenged me to doing something specific in my next yoga class (I’ll fill you in if I ever try it — I didn’t yesterday).  Sadly, I didn’t go to yoga all summer.  Recently we had lunch again. “Did you go to yoga and do what I said?”  “No,”  I sheepishly replied.  In true yogi fashion, he didn’t judge me (well, I’m not sure if he judged me but he didn’t say it out loud).  So yesterday, with his request in the back of my mind, and my aging body … I  finally went back to yoga.

Here’s the deal with me and yoga.  I’m ok with the darker room.  I’m fine with my own  sweat (hot yoga).  I like holding poses and I have my own mat.  I don’t like the smells coming from other people.  I don’t like their noises.  And, I really don’t like having to try to clear my mind and focus on my breathing.   With running and swimming I have constant mind chatter.  I can argue with myself, solve my life’s problems and deal with the kids (all in my mind, of course).  With yoga, I want to do the same thing.  I want to think about what I need at the grocery store, some issue at work, laundry, dishes …. Yes – essentially I want to multi-task (in my mind) in yoga class!

How do you all do it?  I’m not even sure I can clear my mind at all, let alone  in a room full of sweating people who are standing much too close and moving in ways I have never been able to move.  And, allow me to admit right now:  At the end, when we are supposed to “slow our breathing down,” I have all I can do to avoid looking at the clock and counting the ceiling tiles (I think I actually am counting the tiles!).

Be that as it may, I went back to yoga yesterday.  I lasted with a clear mind for about 32 seconds – the rest was chatter.  It was fantastic!  I’m going back this week.  Maybe I’ll make it a minute!

Have a clear-minded day!

I spend a lot of time waiting.  Waiting for my kids to get up and get ready in the morning.  Waiting for them at soccer games.  Waiting for SOMEONE to do the laundry. Waiting for my computer to fire up. Waiting for the warm weather.  Waiting for the cold weather to end.  Waiting for the holidays (or for them to pass).  Waiting can be stressful and frustrating.  I used to make up games for the kids when we were waiting … now I play games on my phone while I’m waiting!   Sometimes we wait to say important things to people — maybe waiting for just the right time or just the right setting.  Sometimes, we can wait too long.   Sometimes we wait for other people to make our decisions because we don’t want to make them ourselves.

I wonder how much of our lives are spent on all kinds of “waiting.”  I’m guessing quite a bit.

For Jews, this period is the start of the new year – it’s a time of introspection.  A time to look back and forward.  Regardless of your religious faith (or if you have none), introspection and review are good.  They help clarify our direction and our path.  In any case, as part of my introspective period (the next 350 days), I’m going to try to limit all areas of “waiting.”  (I suppose I could change my mindset on “waiting” but that’s too easy!)

So, I am going to plan my pick up times so I wait less for the kids (if you see me screaming at the kids to “hurry up” you’ll know why!).  I am going to set up a laundry schedule so there will be no more waiting there (one of the boys’ response to seeing this statement was … “What? We’re going to have to do laundry now??”)!!  I am going to enjoy the cold weather so that I am not just waiting for the summer (any takers on a warm vacation weekend with a 50-year old woman??).  I am not going to wait to say all that I am thinking to those important people in my life.  And, I am not going to wait for things to happen to me (something I am good at because I am not a lover of change!) – I am going to force myself to get into new situations!

I hope you all have a wonderfully introspective (and well-planned) day!