I really don’t deserve it.

I think a lot about why things happen and I almost never have an explanation.   I’ve definitely spent time thinking that I don’t deserve the life I’ve been fortunate enough to have thus far.  Maybe that’s a common theme for some of us.  While I don’t think I deserve these people, I’m grateful they’re in my life:

Somehow, I’ve been afforded a second chance at having a relationship with my dad.  Friends, never give up on a relationship that you know in your heart has potential. So worth it!

When the boys were born, the blonde one came out first.  I muttered to my husband, “That one’s yours!”  While he looks nothing like me, I know he’s mine.  He’s got the most curious and positive view of the world.  And, he’s confident and comfortable with himself.  When we was 6, his siblings made “jewelry” for me.  He was devastated that he didn’t make something, so I took him to a gift shop to buy his.  He could barely see over the counter, but he found a big bowl of rings.  He looked at each of them and picked one. It was $2.99.  It says LOVE.  I have worn it for the 8 years.  S – you’re fantastic! Love ya.

I got one son that looks Italian!  And, he’s so much like me (although much smarter!).  He’s got my dark looks, my temper and my deep passion for people.  When he was 9, we were driving home from school and he saw an older couple (70’s) walking across the street.  He could see the light was going to turn red before they got across.  When it changed, he made me pull over (in rush hour traffic) so he could be sure they got across safely. That’s him.  A huge and loving heart.  You can’t teach that trait!  I love you, E.

When my mom was diagnosed, I asked her to stay and help me raise this first-born daughter.  I was scared.  I was such a horrible teenager and I figured I’d get it back twofold.  I got something very different.  She’s the kindest and gentlest of souls.  She gets the world. She’s thoughtful and wouldn’t hurt a fly (other than her brothers!).  I think my mom is in her.  While I’m always going to be a mom first, I can see how amazing my friendship will be with this beautiful girl.  Thanks lovie, for being  you. You’re a delight!

So, while I don’t feel I deserve this life … I’m so incredibly thankful for it and them.

Finally, THANKS kids for putting up with this blog.  I know there were times when you couldn’t believe I was sharing our “stuff” and just plain thought it (I) was crazy. But, you were graceful, gave me great topics and I love you for letting me share our lives.

Tomorrow is 365.  I’m feeling awfully sad.  Yet, I’m excited that I made it.  Still not sure what comes next.  Maybe I’ll get a “sign” today.

Have a fantastic Monday!

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