Post 365. I am crying and filled with gratitude.

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”  Buddha

Life just keeps moving on.  Our kids get older, relationships change and grow, 365 days pass quickly and our loved ones leave this earth.  There’s no stopping it.  No slowing it down.  It just happens.

We have a few options: (1) we can become fearful and stagnant about the marching of time; or (2) we can embrace the inevitable and make every effort to live without regrets.

My (should be our) goal?  To give out as much love as we can – regardless of how much we get back and to live each and every moment without regret.  

Clearly, I’m not entirely successful.  Who is?  But, it is my simple goal for as long as I’m allowed to be here.

I’ve learned more about myself in this last year than in any other year(s) before.  I attribute that to you.  I was at a cross roads in many areas of my life when I turned 50.  I was questioning my direction, my focus and my purpose (isn’t that an AARP example of a mid-life crisis??).  I wanted some answers and didn’t know how to find them. While I did find some answers, others I’m still searching for (maybe I’ll find them tomorrow at age 51!).  Yet, I’m a different person than I was 365 days ago:

1. I’ve learned that I’m not perfect.  I knew it before 50 but just hated to admit it.  I learned that at those times when I think I’m doing something perfectly, I’m totally not.  I need to let go.  I’m still working on that one.

2. I realized that the world needs us to pay attention.  I’m busy.  But when I am paying attention, I have those experiences and meet those people who mark my life.  Friends, we have to slow down.  You know if I’m talking to you.  We move from one thing to another.  We’re not paying attention.  Let’s change that.  I have a feeling it will result in amazing experiences.  Even if just for today.

3. I fell in love all over again.  I have always loved love. That’s the joke with my kids – “Love, is her middle name.” (Jessica Lipsky (Love) Roe).  But, this year I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone.  I’ve loved people I never would have loved or was afraid to love.  I’ve loved those strangers whom I didn’t even know.  I even tried to love those who don’t like me (this latter one hasn’t worked as well as I expected, but I’m still trying!).  All we need is love.  Seriously.

4. I found you.  Words can not describe how thankful I am for all of you who’ve shared this first experience with me.  Those I run with, who cheer me on, clients who’ve become life friends, those who pick me up when I’m a pancake flat on the ground, those I meet at fundraisers, my family and friends, or just those I meet at gas stations! You all make my life so amazing beautiful.  You fill my life with color.  I’m a totally different person because of you.  Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

Here’s what I put in my first post … I start this year a mom (and lawyer) with three great kids (teenagers!), fantastic friends, supportive family members  and some very special people who help keep me sane.  The rest is, as the Minnesotan’s say, “gravy.”  So, I welcome you all to the year of 50.  It’ll be interesting…

With that, I quietly end my year of 50.  I’m the same person I noted above but much different and a tad bit wiser!  I do love each and every one of you.  Thanks for being in my life and sharing this year with me.

Have an amazing day!

p.s. I’m sure you’ll hear from me again …  XOXO

 

3 responses to “Post 365. I am crying and filled with gratitude.

  1. I plan to read each post again, one day at a time…. Another year just as eye opening, thought provoking, loving and fun! Jessica, I read this journey with you and you gave me many days with new self awareness! Thank you! Happy birthday! See you soon! Please consider continuing on because I looked forward every day to your great blog…..with love as always, Lara

  2. You continue to help me think and reflect. Thank you for taking on this challenge and for being the graceful and wise woman that you are.

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