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So, everything seems on track.  I’ve gotten myself up at 4, got everything ready, the blog posted, laundry sorted, muffins made for when the kids get up, the schedule taped to the fridge and I’m off to the airport.  It’s now 5:25 and I am in good shape for my 7:10 flight.  On my way a friend calls. We talk all the way to the airport and we eventually get off the phone as I get to the security line.  I get all the way up to the scanning machine and it hits me … I didn’t lock my car!  Shoot.  It ask 4 or 5 security guards if they think I should leave the airport and lock my car, when the last guard says: “Look  Ma’am,” (when did I get to be Ma’am?) “You can either miss your flight and go lock it or enjoy your trip and if someone cleans out your car, at least they might take some of the junk with them!”  Well, said.  So, I move on toward the gate.

I get on the plane.  Next to me (there are two seats on my side of the row, and I have the aisle), is someone who really needs two seats.  Now, granted I am small but I don’t want to give up my personal space for three hours!  My “neighbor” proceeds to ask me if he can raise the arm rest (because it must be hurting him) and I am thinking I need a cocktail (it’s 7:30 a.m.!).  A look of fear must have come across my face, which triggered the alarm for the flight attendant because before I knew it she was offering him another seat  — just across from me.  Thank you Ms. Flight Attendant!!!

I’m beginning to feel better and I fire up my lap top.  Then, it happens.  Someone has gas.  I mean really bad gas.  To the point where I have to turn my overhead fans (both of them) on my face.  I have a stomach ache.  It’s him.  I see him looking at me every time “it happens” just like my kids used to do when they were younger (well, the boys still do it sometimes!).  I try to put a good spin on this one … he could be sitting right next to me.  I look away and tell myself … I can do anything for 2.5 hours.

The rest of my trip was uneventful, the weather is warm and the outdoor pool (overlooking the ocean) is even warmer.  However, don’t think I am resting on my laurels.  I’ve got a bit of soul-searching and writing to do and that is my focus these next few days.

Meanwhile, I hope you all avoid such early vacation chaos on your next trip.  Truth is, I have no place to go but up!  Have a great day!

By the time you read this I will be on an airplane taking a much-needed four days away (short but warm!).  I used to travel alone quite a bit and loved it.  I gave it up for a period of time, as I had young children and after that I often traveled with a friend.   I am back to solo travel and I have a feeling this may become a new love of mine!

Here are my top 10 reasons for moms to take trips alone:

1. If you don’t make time for yourself no one else will (unless your amazing spouse makes it a possibility … spouses, take note!).

2. Getting away will allow you time to think and have some space from the stressors of your life (we all have them and if you don’t you shouldn’t be reading this blog!).

3. Being away will show your family how much you really do for them each day (one can only hope!).

4. It’s nice to go to the bathroom with the door wide open.

5. You will not have to load the dishwasher 7 times per day nor will you have to do laundry (until you come home to the mounds that should have been done while you were gone!).

6. You can do what you want, when you want and how you want … this will make you feel like a movie/rock/sports star.

7. You can eat at a restaurant and read a book without feeling the least bit rude.  You can also eat without having to talk with anyone but the waitress.

8. You will meet the most interesting people (and likely people you wouldn’t talk with if you were with a companion).

9. You can eat at the most expensive restaurant and you will only have one (not 4) mouths to feed. Plus, you can eat whatever you want and not have to be a role-model.

10. You can sleep until noon (or go to bed at noon … just as good)!

Hey moms, once you go on a solo vacation (even just a short one) you will be hooked and ready to go on your next trip immediately (I’m already planning!).  I hope you all have a wonderful start to your week!

To my kids: Welcome back to school!  Love ya!

Busy Mom. Sound redundant?  Recently a friend said that I do too much. “You don’t have time to smell the roses and you don’t take time for yourself?” There are roses to be smelled? Time for myself? Maybe he’s right, but as he was talking my thoughts went to how my being busy might be affecting my children.

Busy moms balance the world on their shoulders while juggling children, jobs (paid and volunteer), homes, significant others, health, family … Yet, we are also supposed to take care of ourselves physically and mentally AND do it in a way that it doesn’t interfere with the 10,000 other things we are supposed to be doing.

Many busy moms struggle to find the balance between being a “super mom” and nurturing themselves.  The trick is to be happy with being a “good” mother.  Good mothers accept that they make mistakes and can’t deliver 100% to everyone.  They understand that they are doing the best they can with what they have on that particular day.

I am just starting a book called “Unglued.”  I am enjoying the part of the book about accepting who we are and finding ways to balance our lives and our emotions (FYI – it has a religious base – which is not my focus but may be yours).

Who hasn’t come “unglued” with their kids?  It happened to me this weekend  – at a time when I was trying to do 10 things at once (that’s when it always happens).  Afterwards, I went to my son and apologized.  He immediately apologized for his actions and then told me he loved me.  How lucky am I?

I accept – no, I embrace being busy.  However, as the mother of teens, I know they are at a critical age, looking for guidance and in need of some limits.  So, I’ve tried to make an effort to ensure that I stay connected with my kids even with my (our) busy life:

1. Although my kids are eating two dinners each evening (well, the boys anyway) and they are in sports, I make a point of having at least three nights were I get everyone to the table. It may just be for a late night snack but its fun and phones, music and books are not allowed at this time.

2. Every week we have a night (usually Friday night) where we order Chinese food, watch a movie (or a game), eat popcorn and just chill together. Finding a movie that we all like does cause some bloodshed, but so far so good.

3. We laugh. We have a lot of funny things that happen in our house and we make a point of laughing together. In that same vein, we reminisce together as well. Which allows us to relive fun times from the past.

I’m not promising to smell all the roses just yet.  However, I am going to work at being less than 100% and taking some time for myself.  I hope you do too!

My kids get two weeks off from school and they think it’s a vacation.  Well, it’s a vacation to them.  It’s not always a vacation to me.  Let me just list for you the things that change during these so-called vacations:

1. Paper towels/toilet paper/tissue usage:  I thought as they got older, there would be less cleaning up to do.  I was wrong!  Plus, how much toilet paper can one kid use?  Geeze!

2. Garbage bags: Same as above. Where did all this stuff come from?

3. Electrical bill: I have to believe that my electrical bill goes up on holidays.  The TV is on so much that I hear it even when it is off!  Lights are left on.  Chargers are plugged in and charging phones, iPods and the like.

4. Food: OMG.  It is cheaper for me to pay school tuition then to feed these guys everyday!  You have no idea how much food is going in and out of my house each and every hour of each and every day.

5. Driving: Why can’t they coordinate where they want to go and when?  I’ve, obviously, increased my gas (and personal alcohol) usage as well!

6. Laundry:  I can’t even talk about the amount of laundry.  I have a stomach ache.

7. Phone calls: Even when I do get into the office, I just keep getting phone calls.  “Where is ____?”  “Can you drive me to _____?”  What the heck?  Can’t the TV entertain them when I am gone (see 3 above)?

8. Junk everywhere:  What happened to loading their dishes in the dishwasher or picking up their games, news papers, magazines, etc.?  Why do they seem cleaner during the school year?  Oh, I know … because they are not here!

9. I can’t find my _____: Let me tell you how many things have been lost in the last two weeks: a new GB Packer hat (lost after one day), a phone charger, a phone (not the same one as the phone charger), i Tunes cards, clothes, etc., etc.  Maybe this is why # 2 is such an issue!

10. More relaxing fun:  I do think there is something nice about getting up in the morning and not having to rush to school.  We have a homemade breakfast almost every morning and I don’t have to yell once about staying on task and getting ready for school.  I also get a lot of time with the kids, which I do love.

I know someday I will long for these days, and I did love them for the first  week and 1/2, but I think it is time to give them back to those loving teachers.  Today is the last regular day of break and while they are a bit melancholy, I think I can relieve that with a fun lunch downtown and a movie (or two)!

Have a great start to your weekend.

I ran into an old friend from college yesterday. It was someone I had dated well before I went to law school, before I met my ex and had kids. I was a different person back then (and much younger!) – at least I think I was!

He had married someone from college (I married someone from law school), had kids and then got divorced. We decided to get a quick cup of coffee and to catch up. We spent most of the time laughing about the differences in our “personalities” since college. Back then I was quiet, now I am a litigator. I was a carnivore, now I don’t eat meat. I hated running (was always last), now I love running (and I still am last). I was a serious liberal, now I have a small (oh so small) conservative streak.  I was heavier and taller back then (a function of less stress and more aging!).

We spent even more time talking about our relationships and our roles in the ending of our marriages. Interestingly, one of the main issues in our respective marriages was the same: not embracing the traits of the person we had married.  I commented that although we all start out looking for perfection, we eventually find that what we fall in love with are the flaws of the person. In fact, sometimes we love people because of their flaws!

We all need security and security is hard to come by when you are with someone who feels it is necessary to focus on pointing our your flaws rather than embracing them (or not looking at their own flaws!).  There are many movies that explore the meaning of loving someone for their flaws and finding a soul mate who is perfect, not for everyone else, but for you (I have a friend with a knack for finding those movies!).

Let me say this, (and I didn’t need this coffee experience to figure this out) I was far from perfect when I was dating this guy, I was not perfect in my marriage and I am far from perfect now.  I can only hope that my partner will embrace my flaws (and that your partner will embrace yours) and that we can appreciate their flaws as well!

In other words, we really need to love people for their imperfections rather than use them as an excuse for something else.  As usual, I think this holds true for all relationships.

Man, pretty deep for a quick cup of coffee.  How thankful I am that someone (?) continues to put people in my life to help me see, grow and learn. Chance encounters are sometimes the most incredible kind and I seem to happen upon them quite frequently.

Hope you have a chance encounter today!

Yes, in its most literal sense, football is just a game.  Even me, a rabid fan for my two teams (college and pro) has to admit that football adds up to no more than 22 people running around in pursuit of a little brown object, while a lot of people scream and drink beer.  No diseases have ever been cured by a touchdown.  No one is allowed sick days because their team lost.  No one has died due to the missing of a field goal (other than maybe the kicker).  So, to be cold and rational, football is nothing more or nothing less than a game.  But who wants to be cold and rational? Truth is, a football game can break my heart or make my day.

If football is just a bunch of guys running and shoving one another then I would have to argue the following; (1) that a movie is just some overpaid people reciting lines with some nice scenery; or (2) that music would really just be cords played in different orders with people “singing” words to the cords; or (3) that opera would be depressing cords and (often) overweight people killing one another while singing.   But, I don’t let my rational mind tear apart music, movies or the opera … so I won’t do it to football!

Hey, did you know there is a Facebook page called, “Football is not just a game, it’s a religion”?  I just found it yesterday.  It has almost 55,000 followers (I’m not one of them).  See, I’m not the only one with this obsession!

In my sports-obsessed mind, football is more than just a game — it’s an expression of teamwork, balance and focus – just like life.  In my rational mind, football is just a game – proof of which is even though my team lost yesterday, I was able to get out of bed today, have breakfast, write today’s blog and go to 6 am yoga.  Admittedly, someone else’s team beat mine so at least some people are happy today!  I guess life will continue on until NCAA football comes back again next year.

Have a great day!

The truth is, the new year really doesn’t actually change anything … it feels the same as all the other nights because it is just like all other nights.  When I woke up this morning the laundry was still in the living room, my hair was still brown and curly and the dishwasher still needed to be unloaded! No change there! Yet, we still think of this time as one for change, for setting goals.  So, OK.  I can be a conformist.  Here are some changes I want to occur in my life this year:

1. I would like to change my kids’ attitudes about clothes.  Clothes on the floor, clothes stuffed in the closet, clothes heaped in a pile from the days’ wear.  I want them to learn that dirty clothes go into the laundry, as do wet towels – not on the floor of their room. I want them to understand that clothes don’t magically appear in their drawers.

2. I would like us to unplug once a month.  Is this too much to ask for?  For one day each month, I would like to have a conversation with my children looking me with their eyes, not with the top of their head as they are looking down at some electronic device.

3. I want to make it all night without having to get up and use the bathroom.  Hey, I know some of you have this same problem!

4. I want movies to stay at 2 hours or less.  I just can’t get myself to those 2.5 hour movies (usually because I need to use the bathroom!) and they are coming out of the woodwork.

5. I want to stop swearing (apologies to my assistant who puts up with me).  Ok, that’s not going to happen.  How about I slow it down a bit?  Don’t want to make a change I can’t follow through on!

6. I want a mantra – a word that will be mine for the year.  I like sassafras but it means nothing (sounds cool but really doesn’t do anything other than make my kids think I am weird!).  Here are some real examples: happiness, courage, strength, generosity, simplicity – any one of these can be yours for the year.

Or, you can be a bit like me – just moving so fast that your ideas all run together.  Here’s what I’m thinking: Get to the gym. Eat healthier. Learn. Laugh a lot. Sleep. Relax. Fight with your partner. Forgive each other. Forgive those who hurt you. Ask for forgiveness from those whom you’ve hurt. Talk, really talk, with your kids about the tough stuff – about why people date, why they kiss, why they have sex and why they use drugs. Fall in love (or back in love). Regret nothing. Work because you love doing it. Do for others. Let them do for you. Tell your family how much you love them. Appreciate them.  Appreciate you. Love life!

Happy New Year and enjoy the Rose Bowl — I’ll be the one dressed in red!!

This is my last post for 2012.  What are those “things” that are important in life?  I read an article some time ago, which helped me formulate this “list.”  These are not “things” but rather ideas or maybe beliefs that are important in my life.  I was thinking recently that although I can write about all these ideas, I must be sure I am trying to follow them as well – and to show my kids how to do the same. Implementation is the harder work.   In one area of my life, I have done a poor job of implementing these tenets.  That area will have my renewed focus.  Life is a beautiful and difficult challenge!

Thoughts.  We are what we think.  We spend our lives in two forms of thought: fear and worry.  These are life traps. Some thought is our ego.  It is important to distinguish between a strong ego and a big ego.  We must learn to be happy with who we are, not how big we are.  Our journey in life must include a constant effort to pull away from fear and worry.

Interpretations.  The things that happen to us in life only have the meaning we ascribe to them.  It really doesn’t matter what it is, it is how we interpret it.  We use memory to put the experience in a category … whether positive or negative, happy or sad.  Our interpretations of the event has an enormous effect on the quality of our life.

Words and Actions. How we express ourselves is our statement in life.  It’s how we are judged in the world.  However, it’s not what people think about us, it’s what we think they think about us. Making mistakes is part of success in any area of life and there is no substitute for experience and experience comes from failure.  This is powerfully important and includes relationships.

Feelings. Feelings are based on our interpretations. When we have a healthy view on life and ourselves, we are able to freely experience life and others.

Emotions. When we feel emotions, that is when we are truly alive — even when the emotions are negative.  Mastering our emotions is one of the most important lessons in life.

People and Love.  The people we hold near and dear to our heart, whether family or friends, we must work to keep them there.  The loves of our life are the basis of our existence.

Vision. We have the power to create a vision for a future.  Take advantage of that power.

I know this is long but please allow me to share a story I once heard – maybe you’ve heard it too … bears repeating today:

A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, he picked up a very large and empty jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “Yes.”

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter – like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued “there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.

Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

My love to each and every one of you for the new year.  May you all experience growth and happiness.

My kids would argue that I was put on this earth to embarrass them.  I do consider that part of my job description.  I read once that if you “mortify your kids enough, and you’ll help fuel them to do what they were put here for — to make their way in the world without us.”  I’m not sure that I am totally with that one but it was from the NY Times!

I embarrass my kids when I sing or dance in public. I’m not even allowed to hum.  I embarrass them when I talk with people in the grocery store line.  I embarrass them when I talk to their friends, look at their friends, I’m sure even mention their friends.  Actually, I embarrass them just by existing.  I try to tell them that I really am working as hard as I can NOT to embarrass them.  Yet, my every breath does.  Maybe they will get it when they are parents.

I don’t allow peer pressure to bother me and that bothers my kids as well.  “All the other parents do …”  “Why do you have to be the only one who does …”  I say because I am an individual and I have to go on my own ideals (note the eye-rolling).

My mom was the “cool” mom – although embarrassing to me.  What did she do to be cool?  She treated my friends like adults (but not me). She listened to them (but not me).   She wore cool clothes (but didn’t buy me any)… get the picture?!  Our impressions as kids will always be different from how other people view our parents.  Looking back, she was cool — I just missed it because I was a teenager (an affliction in and of itself).

So today, I am likely to embarrass my kids when we go skiing.  I am slower than them.  I like to know where I am going ahead of time.  I wear warm but “awkward” clothes.  And, I need bathroom breaks (I did give birth to twins you know!).  I’ll make an effort to keep the embarrassment it to a minimum – but I make no promises!

Try not to dance in the grocery store aisles today in front of your kids and I’ll do the same!  Enjoy!