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When people talk about my kids, I hear, “he/she is such a nice kid.” I smile and say thanks.  But I want to say “not to me!”   Basically, they’re wonderful to any adult who isn’t me!  With me, my teens can be sassy, talk back and just plain nasty at times.

Here’s our conversation yesterday:

Me:  (in a mad tone) I’m done with the XBox!  I don’t like how you’ve been treating me lately and I’m going to say no more XBox until I receive a more respectful level of treatment!

Him:  I want to be treated respectfully too.  You don’t treat me nicely either.

Me: Fine.  Until we both treat each other better, no XBox (this doesn’t seem fair to me but – I’m on top here (I think)).

Him: Fine.  Good.

How’s this going to work?  I did come back and tell him that it’s not the XBox I hate (well, I do hate it, but that’s beside the point). It’s the attitude I’m getting.  The sassy.

Truth is,  my son is smart, funny, perceptive, creative and thoughtful.  But, he can “lawyer” me if I miss one word in a sentence:

Me: Did you put all your books in your backpack so you’re ready to go?

Him: Yes (he’s playing a game).

Me: Are you sure.

Him: I said yes! (that attitude starts my blood boiling)

The bus comes and he frantically says, “Why didn’t you put these snacks in my backpack?”  (mind you, if he had his backpack ready this wouldn’t be an issue.)   I say, “You told me that it was ready.”   Then, in his sassy voice, I hear “You didn’t tell me to put the food in it.”  S&*% like that is really bugging me right now.

I’m forgetting parenting 101 – if we repeatedly respond to mildly annoying behavior, we’re giving it power and strength.  I’ve got to remember that the less power I give it, the less power it has.  Eventually, with no support or feedback from me, it will likely die its natural death – extinction! (Bet this works with our partners too!!)

I’ve got to focus on the only thing I can control – my response.  I need to let the minor stuff slide and pull out my guns (and I’ve got a few big ones!) when I want to point out the important stuff.  This morning, I realized that nothing is more powerful than,  “Don’t talk to me that way, I don’t like it,” then turning and walking away — then the power leaves with me.

So, I’m going to back off, put some duct tape on my mouth and use the tried and true approach.  It’s either that or a week at a spa … (anyone want (need) to join me?).

Have a great day!

Seriously, there are some really bizarre iPhone apps out there.  We just got our first iPad and I was checking out some apps.  Here are a few that I found:

MedXSafe:  This is an app that tells others that you are STD-free.  It does not share medical information about you, such as whether you have an STD; it simply lets others know you don’t have an STD as of the date you are cleared by your doctor. Users can bump phones to learn each other’s STD-free status.  I just can’t even comment on this one.

Annoy-a-teen:  This app uses high-frequency sounds only young people can hear.  It stops them in their tracks so they will listen to you (not).

Honey It’s Me:  This app gives lonesome cell phone owners regular messages from a digital girlfriend named Mina.  It offers Korean-speaking men four daily video calls from a winsome 20-something model who has recorded 100 messages, including “Are you still sleeping? Time for breakfast!” and “Good night, sweet dreams.”  I want to work for iTunes so I can see all the people buying this one!

Voodoo:  This is an app for those times when you just can’t whip out your voodoo doll of your boss, former partner, etc.  It allows you to (virtually) stick pins in folks you simply don’t like.   OMG!

 iFart:  A fantastically puerile app which transforms your iPhone or iPod touch into a virtual fart machine. We don’t need this in our house.  Farts come out without an app.

iWhistle: This app that has over 10 million users! Take control and teach your dog new tricks via this simple to use dog whistle.  Do they have this for kids or men (sorry guys)?

Hold On:  This is the dumbest one yet.  Here you compete to see how long you can hold the button! The timer shows your progress down to the millisecond and stores your personal all-time record.  Yup.  I got time for this one.

To my beautiful 16-year-old daughter:

Today is the day you turn 16.  I’ve been teary-eyed all week.  First, I want to say how much I love you and how grateful I am to have you in my life.  You are so full of life and love for everyone around you (except your brothers – please work on that!).

When my mom was dying I begged her not to go.  I said that I would need her help since I was such a horrible teenager and I wondered how I’d survive that time with you.  She promised me she would help guide you and your brothers after she was gone … and (now I am sobbing), she has.  “Thank you Mom.  Hasn’t she turned out to be so lovely?”

You, my lovie, are an old soul.  So many people have said that about you … even strangers … from the time you could walk.  I am not sure what that means or why I got you, but I’m glad I did.  You’re a gift and I treasure you.

I’ve watched you go from a tiny baby, to a girl who loved pink and dresses, to a girl that doesn’t like pink or dresses.  But all this time, you’ve stayed the same nice person.  You are beautiful — inside and out.

Please, let me take a brief moment to give you some mom-advice.  You know all this but someday you will read this post and will be thankful I put it in writing (boys, this is for you too).

Honey, life is amazing.  It is full of wonderful opportunities and experiences for you to enjoy.  It is also filled with many other events that will make you so sad that you’ll feel like you can’t take another step forward.   There are so many kids/teens/adults who take their lives because they feel that life is so horrible, so ruined, that they can’t go further.

So, the one thing I want to give you today is the knowledge that no matter what happens in your life — no matter what happens … nothing, I mean nothing will ruin your life forever.

You will make mistakes.  And, you will feel bad, I’m sure.  But, even when things are tough, please know that it will always get better.  Know that we love you no matter what you do or the choices you make.

Remember the time when you were crying because your brothers called you names when you were babysitting them?  Yet, that overwhelmingly sad feeling left pretty quickly.   It’s the same with life.  The good stuff seems to stick with you longer (thankfully) and the difficult stuff moves by a bit faster.  Please honey, never forget that there will always be a silver lining to everything in life.

Don’t let other people be mean to you.  Stand up for those being hurt … those people who may not be as smart or confident as you.  Treat people’s feelings like fragile puppies and give them all the care and love you can.  That’s why we are here – for the collective good.

So on this, your 16th birthday, I wish you: love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control and happiness.  Really, you have it all already.

I love you very, very much. HB!

Mom

Sorry guys — I think this one might just be for women.

I have a bad habit — I pluck my gray hair.  I’ve heard the old adage that for every gray hair you pluck, three will grow back, but I don’t care (nor do I believe it).  My mom warned me about plucking but I didn’t have gray hair when she was alive.  Now I do and I am plucking them out.  (looking up – “sorry mom!”)

Sure, it looks so relaxing to see women sit in chairs at the salon with all that tin foil in their hair reading a magazine.  But I can’t bring myself to color my hair just yet.  My sister started in her 40’s …. maybe earlier.  To me, out of all the signs of aging, this is the one I’ve been stuck trying to ignore.  But it’s not working and I am losing interest.

I don’t have that many (although I can’t see the back of my head and can’t get my kids to pluck for me!).  My father didn’t go gray until very late in life and he still is not totally gray.  Mine?  They seem to stick out like a sore thumb so it’s easy to hunt and pluck.

Know how I know that others are doing the same thing?  Livestrong has a “process” for plucking hair!  Check this out:

I got the greatest compliment today. Someone said that I sounded so happy on the phone.

Think about how easy it is for a baby or small child to fall asleep. We’re born with the natural instinct to relax and sleep when our bodies need to.  As we get older, we control and suppress these urges to remain alert as we go to school,  go to work or care for a family.   Some of us spend years teaching ourselves to perform well even when we are tired. While this is a necessary skill, it prevents us from letting go and learning to relax.

Relaxing can take many forms.  For some, it’s napping or just doing nothing.  This would drive me crazy.  For me, it’s running or participating in some activity.  This drives those that love me crazy!  Yet, I’ve decided that we are not all going to relax in the same way and we have to accept even those differences!

Of course, there is nothing like a little down time for the mind (there’s no question that this is one of my biggest flaws).  We have to give ourselves permission to stop thinking about work, kids, personal problems or tasks.  I really have not come to grips with how to do this sort of mind-relaxing thing on a consistent basis.   I’m working on this one.

Relaxing physically is also important (and also hard for me).  I tried to do it this weekend.  We went to the lake for 24 hours (I ran seven miles first so I would not get antsy!!).  I told myself that I would not strap on my running shoes or work for at least 24 hours.  I spent a lot of time doing what I never do – sitting, talking, sleeping, eating and totally enjoying the company … it was great!

Sometimes, I can get stressed out just thinking about finding time to relax.  I mean every magazine tells us our life will be shortened if we don’t!  That’s stressful in and of itself!  But, let’s be honest.  Life is set up in such a way that there are periods when our focus is elsewhere — with our kids, our jobs, school — and that’s ok – we just can’t clear our mind or do much physically sometimes.  We have to cut ourselves some slack (Jessica, cut yourself some slack!)

I’ve decided that the best form of relaxation is finding and participating in something that brings you joy — whether it be alone or with others, sedentary or active, goal-directed or aimless.  Today, let’s give ourselves permission to find whatever it is that brings us relaxation and peace and do it (even if it’s for 5 minutes!).  I’m, of course, going to head our for a run now!

Have a great day!

I heard a story from a friend about a young girl who is very ill from cancer (terminally so).  As I listened to the story, I started to cry.  I said out loud, “why her?”  A friend said, “It just goes so fast.”  I’ve been thinking about our discussion for the last few days.

When I was a 12, my “boyfriend” (who was also 12) was hit and killed by a drunk driver as he walked home from school.  I remember almost an out-of-body experience when I heard about it.  I’d just talked with him that day and now he was gone.  I wondered about his mother and how she was doing.  When I saw her at the funeral I realized that her life had ended – not literally – but from that point forward, there would clearly always be a before and an after.

Last year at dinner one of the kids asked what it was like to be almost 50.   I paused for a minute and then said that when I was their age, I never thought about being a mom or wife.  I just felt so young and saw everything in front of me … there seemed to be no hindrances.  But, everything changed after having kids – a before and an after.  After seemed to move faster.  I tried to tell this to the kids but I could see the glazed look on their faces.  I just plant the seeds.  They are still beautifully young.

It seems like yesterday that my kids would sit on my lap and let me hold their small fat hands.  Soon my daughter will be driving and off to college.  My boys are becoming such nice young men.  It’s fast … too fast.

Look, my mom died at 59.  That’s 9 years away from my current age.  I try not to waste time being scared but sometimes I can’t help myself.  Yet, this poor young woman may not live to see the age of 16 and her mom will have a before and an after.  My heart is breaking for her.

Life seems like a wind up top where the closer it gets to the end, the faster it starts running out. So, enjoy what you have and share if you have more than you need. Try to help someone every chance that you get.  Smile at people.  Allow your heart to break for those who are suffering.  It will help the collective heart of the world.

“Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did.”

~ Mark Twain ~

Please, have a wonderful day.

I am good at a few things and not-so-good at many things.  After recounting the various conversations with my Saturday running group yesterday, I came up with a few areas that I am “short” in getting ready for spring.   I’ve got hundreds more “areas” but here are a few to start off the spring season:

1. I want to be better at loving g-ds creatures.  I can honestly say that I hate mice and bats.  I am not in love with the box elder bugs that have invaded our house (which no one seems “bugged” by but me).  I really despise the geese that seem to be coming back in full force.   I stepped on their remnants yesterday.  Yuck.

2. I am terrible at relaxing.  Or better yet, I am terrible at understanding how or when to relax.  My ex said to me yesterday (after I mentioned that I was tired from vacation with the kids), “How could you possibly think that taking a vacation with the very people who you need to vacation from, would be a vacation?”  Well put.  I need to find real quiet time to regroup this spring.

3. In keeping with #2, I am terrible at finishing a book.  I used to read all the time.  Now, The Economist is the best I can do (the articles are short).  I took two books on vacation and didn’t crack either one.  What’s happening to my mind?  Is it turning to mush?  I am going to promise to read three great books this summer.  Any suggestions?

4. I am really bad at shopping.  Not shopping for food.  I’m awesome at that one.  I am bad at clothes shopping – especially when the season changes.  I’m afraid it has rubbed off on my daughter, who also doesn’t like shopping for clothes.  We have to make a “treat” out of it by buying a cup of our favorite flavored Super America coffee before hand just to get revved up for the experience.  Sorry honey, that you got that one from me.

5. I am really bad at just watching a sporting event for my kids.  It doesn’t matter the sport, I apparently cheer to the point of annoying my kids (well, everything I do annoys them but that’s another 25 blogs).  I’m going to try to be more “reserved” as this spring season gets underway.  I promise kids!

So, no great philosophical ideas today.  Nothing earth shattering.  Just a recognition that as spring is coming (although not here today) I have a bit of personal “house-cleaning” to do.   Anyone else want to fess up?

Enjoy your Sunday.  Since my NCAA bracket is shattered, maybe I’ll read a book today!

Yes, that is one of the headings of an article in my first AARP magazine.   And, I might add, the one I decide to read first.  I frantically page through the magazine looking for it and can’t find it!  It’s not in the table of contents nor is it on a page which appears to reference the article!!!  Maybe there is no sex at 70 and that’s why there’s no article! Geeze – what a tease at the outset!

I find three pages on the best ways to spend $100.  Really? If I haven’t figured out how to spend $100 by the time I am 70+ then just forget it.  Here are a few ways they suggest on how to “spend” my $100 (should I have it at 70 to spend): (1)  Play my gift cards right.  Look if I could REMEMBER to bring my gift cards to the store, there would be no issue. I don’t need help spending them; (2)  Get the autographs of stars before they become stars.  Huh?; (3) Stock up on stamps because the price is going up.  You are kidding me??!!!  By the time I’m 70 we won’t be using stamps any more and I will have WASTED my $100.

There’s one paragraph on finding my soul mate.  Why only one paragraph? Maybe at 70 it only warrants one paragraph instead of the 5 pages in O magazine. Hmm.

I find 4 pages on “It’s Never Too Late to Love Your Job.”  Pleeeease.  I am counting on my kids working when I am 70, not me.  Don’t ask me to reinvent myself at 70!  I can barely spell my name now!

Every ad seems to be for helping me survive life: The Walk In Jacuzzi, The Medical Alert, The Premier Care Peace of Mine Walk in Bath, how to plan my estate and the advantages of joining the AARP Foundation.  Where’s the organic milk, perfume and food ads?  I’m not thinking I’m going to like this too much.

At the end is an article on dot.com dating for the “older” crowd with “date tips.”  Ok, at the rate I’m going, that might be me.  Finally, something worth reading!

Have a great day!!!

Oh, and PS – if you youngsters (under 50 crowd) want to read a copy, call me … I’ll save mine for you!