Motherhood: Some of our biggest highs and our toughest lows.

It’s been a struggle to keep my head clear about motherhood lately.  The news has been filled with horrific tragedies against young people – some mother’s child.  Our collective hearts have been broken, our stomaches sickened and our sadness replaced (partly) with joy of their return or having found them.  Being a parent in these situations is (thankfully) beyond our wildest dreams.

Parenting is the single toughest job we will have.  These will be our biggest highs and some of our toughest lows.  When they are young, we have some semblance of control.  As they get older, however, we have less control and we are supposed to let go.

This, my friends, is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done – letting go.

Yes, my mother dying was horrible.  And, at a time when the boys were 6 weeks and my daughter 2 … it was almost indescribable.  But, there I was forced to let go.  I had no choice.  And, I suppose one could argue that I have no choice here … that I have to let go.  Let them mature into adults.  But it requires action on my part.  It requires me to do some hard work.

As I was talking with my daughter on the phone yesterday (about her going away next weekend), I started crying.  I tried to keep it quiet, but she knew. “Mom,” she said, “If it’s too hard for you, I can stay here.  It’s fine.”  (Ahh, the wisdom of 16!)   I tell her it’s ok but that my heart is breaking about how quickly it’s all going, how joyous I feel about her opportunities and how hard it is for us moms to just let go.  (I’m sobbing by this point).   The truth is, sometimes I feel lost in the midst of these inevitable changes.  I can hear in her voice and in her heart that she will remember this very conversation, when it’s her turn.

My boys are in those middle school years and it’s tough for them and me.  I can honestly say that when I look back on my life, there are three years I would not like to redo — middle school!  Yet, with all the talking back, the driving, the worrying about school, social life, etc., it’s great to watch them grow up, to hear the deeper voices, (to get a hug once in a while!) and watch them explore who they are as people! I love this part of momhood.

So, it’s Mother’s Day.  An awkward day because my mom is gone.  A day where my kids want to do nice things and recognize me, which is very nice.  But, I don’t really need a Mother’s Day – I love (almost) every day as a mom.

What I do want for this day and every day, is for them to have a strong moral compass, to feel good about themselves, be happy and safe and to do good things in the world.   That’s the dream we all have for them  — from the moment they are born until the moment we are no longer together on this earth and beyond.

Have a wonderful Mother’s Day!  XOXO