Where’s the instruction manual for life/relationships???!!!

There are instruction manuals for almost everything these days — whether it’s how to install your blinds to how to wash your delicates … plus, you can find it all on YouTube!  So, wouldn’t it make sense for people to come with instruction manuals too?

The first thing we look for when we have a problem is a book.  We think that if we find the right “manual” our problems will be solved.  Maybe this is because we are taught as children to “read the instructions.”  While these books might be on the bestseller list, they usually are not enough to fix our “issues.”  In our personal  lives, we have a tendency to gloss over that which we should be working on … often pointing our fingers at others.

In relationships, a divisive issue can resurface again and again, eventually destroying the reason(s) why we were attracted to the person in the first place.  It is when couples cannot get past the emotional sentiment of a conflict that the couple will often walk away.

I was talking with three different friends this week, all of whom are very unhappily married (two women and one man).  I know a number of people in this situation – as do you, I suppose.   I heard the same things, complaints and reasons for wanting to leave.  While I know there is no one-size-fits-all way to solve these problems (and I am divorced and still single, you know!), I do know one thing … you have to focus on you – not just the other person’s conduct.

1. Find someone to talk with:  There is no way to solve some of those deep-seated issues without a third-party —  someone who will call you on your stuff! That’s the critical piece – it takes two to tango, so fix you first!

2. Exercise: Nothing like it.  Sometimes you will have to push yourself to do it. You’ll be glad you did.  You will solve so many “issues” while you are in the middle of a work-out. I ran my first marathon as I was getting divorced (plus went to kick boxing!!! :))

3. Be happy:  Sometimes this has to be forced (just like I tell my kids, you might not feel happy right now but if you try it … pretend for a bit … it might actually change your attitude!).  Happy people attract happy people.

4. Take care of yourself:  It is important to refuse to be your partner’s problem.  We all play a role in relationships.  But, sometimes we have to sit back and let our partner make decisions about his or her life.  If we get caught in the drama – it only makes it worse.

So, take care of yourself if you are feeling down or concerned about a situation.  You will be surprised at the revelations that you have about who you are and what you really want or need in a partner and in life!

Have a great day!