theyearof50

The old wives’ tale about women is that they are terrified of getting older.  With women spending billions of dollars each year on botox, liposuction, face creams, hair dyes and health clubs, one might think that this “tale” is true.  Thankfully, for most women it’s not.  And it’s certainly not for the incredible women I know.

Sure we try to slow things down, post-45.  I pluck a few hairs, try to stay in shape and use lotion (generic) on my skin.  Research shows that a woman’s body image, her interest in sex and intimacy and her emotional maturity (and craziness from menopause) becomes stronger as she moves into her middle ages (YES!!!).

I read that women’s overall mental health and life satisfaction also improves with age as does marital satisfaction  – which goes up considerably when our children leave home (Yikes!  I better hurry up in that category!).  It’s also true that as we get older, we become more empathetic, patient, better listeners and become (or already are) great caretakers (big pats on the back here!).  These strengths give us the mindset to celebrate middle age as a time of joy and fulfillment.

So, my women friends (and my men friends too), getting older is not just about surviving.  It is about flourishing.  It’s about fulfillment and self-actualization. It’s about capitalizing on all of our years of experience and doing some really great and fun things – sans children!

Today I want to celebrate (before the start of our “summer”) and cultivate our psychological strengths, our increasingly frequent birthdays and all the sags and wrinkles that come with it (and P.S., I found a few around the knees this morning!).

Have a wonderful day!

Honestly, how do I meet these people?  Yesterday I went to a CLE – I needed credits before the end of the reporting period.  I was not super excited about the topic but I knew my assistant was about to strangle me if I missed one more class.  So, I went.  The place was packed.  I mean packed.  I got one of the last chairs in the very back of the room.

Just as I sat down a woman sat next to me.  She was wearing casual clothes, had a cup of coffee and a purse.  But she had no briefcase and no papers.  Nothing.  Well, I thought she had nothing.

Five minutes after sitting down she pulled a donut out of her purse.  Wow, it looked and smelled good.  And, although I don’t really eat donuts, my mouth started to water.  She wolfed it down and before I knew it, she had pulled another one from her purse.   Really?  I looked over to see if her purse was like one of those clown cars where 20 clowns get out of one tiny car.

We get a break and I am dying for some food.  I go out into the hall and I see her, drinking a smoothie from the shop down the way.  Hmm.  I walk over and buy one myself.  It hits the spot.

After the break, we sit down.  Not more than five minutes later I see her pull a bagel with cream cheese out of her purse!!!!  Come on!  I almost laugh but then I think that maybe I’m on some sort of Candid Camera show (showing my age here).  By the time she’s done, she’s spilled cream cheese on her chair, on her pants and on the floor.  I move my chair a little bit away so I don’t get nailed.  Clearly, she’s a hungry lawyer.

I’ve got 1/2 hour left before the lunch break and I see her reach to her purse.  I stare.  No way can she need more food.  Ahh, a Diet Coke.  Gotta wash it down with something.

That’s it for me.  I can’t stay any longer.  I leave, walk down to the street and head toward the street food vendor.  As I’m waiting there, I see her out of the corner of my eye.  She walks to me and says, “Boring CLE, right?”  I say, “Not too bad.”  She smiles and says, “Gotta run.  I’ve got a lunch date.”  Unbelievable.

Have a great day!

A few years ago I had a big scare. It turned out to be alright.  Some of my friends have not been so lucky.  For me, it was a month of tests and tests.  I lost weight, lost sleep and really spent a lot of time worrying.  When it was over, I had a new lease on life.  I focused on every day.  Then, I forgot.  I went back to my old “ways.”

For more than a year I’ve had a spot that seemed off.  But, we runners, bikers, etc., we have stuff all the time that we ignore.  So, after a month of it bleeding on and off I decided to get it checked out.  The short answer is, she doesn’t know quite yet if it is or if it isn’t.  This is a small spot.  Really.  I’m not worried either way – and, please, that’s not the focus of this blog.  I only bring it up for the bigger message:

We never know.  Sometimes we have time.  We have time to get things in order, time to plan, time to say good-bye.  Sometimes we don’t.  It’s over with no good-byes.  And, why don’t we live like the latter?  Because we are moving.  Moving, Moving, Moving.  We (read: me) don’t allow for time to stop. And, before we know it, the kids are gone, doing their thing, there are grandkids and we’re using walkers.  We look back and say, “Where did the time go?”  But we know where the time went.  It went with us being so busy and forgetting to pay attention – to be mindful .

LIVE.  I know this little episode is going to be nothing but a reminder to me to pay attention to the important things, like: Did I smile at everyone I could today?  Did I help someone?  Did I thank my kids for being my kids and putting up with my s%$#?  Did I thank you, my friends, for reading my blog and making me feel great every time I run, swim, bike with you or just see you out somewhere?  Have I told you, Dad, or my siblings, how much I love you?

I know I repeat myself here (fault: menopause) but here it is: Let’s remember to live each day fully and with love – no matter what challenges we face.   Hug your kids.  Hold someone’s hand.  Wear sunscreen.  Enjoy a good glass of something (coffee, wine) and listen to the birds chirping or the sound of the wind in the trees.  Take just one moment, each day, to be mindful of your world and the love you can give to others.

And remind yourself: if I get this day, hopefully I will get another one!

If you give a mouse a cookie (and she really appreciates and enjoys it), she’s going to ask for another one ….

Have a FANTASTIC and mindful day!!! XO

A colleague died recently and at his funeral another friend, who gave the eulogy said, “In the end, character and love trump all.”  What could be more true?

I, like all of us, have at one time or another thought that accomplishing or making something of myself meant I had character.  How many people do you know that think that a better, job, more money, new inventions, new relationships, will give them what they want …. the grass is always greener syndrome.  I’ve never believed that’s true.  Have you?

I think character comes from trust.  This guy who died, he was an attorney and people really trusted him (amazing for a lawyer).  And why did they trust him and how important was it to his relationships and his spouse?

Trust is not something all loving relationships (or even friendships) have at first. For some couples the trust becomes complete in a few years. For others, it takes years.  But one thing is for sure — happy and successful marriages and relationships survive and thrive on the basis of this trust.

True trust (read – character) is the kind that you never give a second thought to.  The partners expect it.  It’s always there.  It’s part of the fabric of the relationship.  This is not giving up your “looking” license!  Totally get how normal that is.  But it’s where the couple knows that their relationship is so much more important to them and where the couple understands that destroying the trust will cause the foundation of their marriage to crumble.  The relationship should be bigger than the individual desires.

For as many years as I can remember, I’ve shared a meal and a glass of wine when I went out for dinner.   Not only did I share, but I had to duke it out for my portion (I didn’t complain much, so it’s half my fault and maybe why I’m so skinny!).

Some of you know that I don’t eat red meat and never eat fried foods.  I always have a salad, but my dressing is on the side and not creamy.  I don’t eat from the bread basket.  I love to order wine, but never can finish a glass.  And, I enjoy coffee at the end of my meal.  I guess I’m easy to figure out and a relatively inexpensive (not cheap) date!

I wasn’t sure what to expect last night but I knew that this experience was going to be different.  I got dressed.  Put on my good luck  necklace and left with a hungry stomach.  When I arrived, I was immediately offered a drink.  Wow, I thought, my own drink!  I decided to venture out and ordered a Mojito instead of wine!  Of course, after the first 1/4 of the drink, I realize that I won’t be able to drive home if I finish the whole thing.  Typical Jessica behavior.  But, it did take the edge off and tasted fantastic!

Next came the meal and I was able to order my own food.  Gracious!  How was I going to do that???  It’s been quite some time since I could recall having my own plate (other than the bread plate, upon which I would shove some food).  This was completely foreign and exciting to me!

I started with a house chef’s salad (easy enough) – but in a daring sort of way, I tell the waiter to put the dressing right on the salad!!  Creamy Caesar dressing!  Cray, Cray, as my kids would say! I’m off to a good start.

Then, I was offered the hash browns, and without thinking, I nodded my head in excitement.  Really??  Fried hash browns?  Have I gone off the deep end?  They were crispy on the outside and soft on the inside.  And let me tell you this, these weren’t  just any old hash browns … they had cheese inside them!!!  Yup.  Something’s happening here.

The best part of all … I didn’t have to pay for the meal.

I’ve obviously turned over some kind of new leaf (pun intended).  Some people deal with change by taking trips or buying new toys (all of which sound fun and I’m going to try that too).  But what do I start with?  I order the hash browns.  This might just be the start of something beautiful!

Have a wonderful Sunday!!

Friends. Those who I love. Life is short and precious. We are not stuck in any one way, situation or relationship. We can start, end, change, grow, move forward and be happy. Nothing is certain except life and death.

The most important thing to remember about these two things, is that we don’t take anything with us. The only thing we really leave behind (no matter what your career or creations were while here) is how we treat others, how we love and how we live. And when we are done, and we leave this earth, we exhale before going, clearing our body and leaving nothing else behind.

So, today take the time to think about what you say and what you do and what legacy you will leave behind. For too many years I have been inhaling and then holding my breath. Scared at the prospect of true vulnerability. Today, I’m going to start exhaling. It’s only at that time when I’ve fully exhaled, that I can take in the maximum fresh air and really wake up to the beauty of myself, those who are truly in my life and to the world around me.

Have a peaceful and happy day!

This is a common theme with teens and I was fully prepared when I heard it from my kids.  After all, I said it about 10,000 times to my mother.  Last night I heard it at least once and likely a few times this week.  But, it’s normal to hear that from kids and there is a balancing act between letting them make choices and choosing for them.  But this blog is about me … about my wanting to say, out loud to anyone who will listen, “It’s my life and you can’t make me!”

I know that each day I have the ability to make the choice to take control over my life.  To be proactive on what I need and not take care of everyone else first. But the intellect does not always match the heart.

I also know that to take control of my life or exercise personal leadership I need to take responsibility for myself.  It means I have to live my values, vision and then,  When I do, I’m more productive, able to solve problems more easily and have less stress in my life.

I’ve let this part of my life slide at times.  Rather than face my fears and move on and take control, I don’t.  I let other people or things make decisions for me.  That’s a form of taking control but not a healthy one.  I’m sure you can relate.

We must all remember, that as silly as it sounds, we are the principal architect and creator of our lives.  Where we’re at and who we’re with are based on choices and decisions we’ve made thus far.

I found an interesting article on personal leadership and it related to seeing yourself as the CEO of your life.  It essentially asked, are you making healthy strategic planning decisions?  Are you living your life in the most inspired but efficient way?  Are you making decisions for yourself rather than allowing the decisions to happen to you?

(Deep Breath).  I’m not sure about this in my own life at times.  I do know, that when my kids say, “It’s my life ….” they are trying to tell me that they want some control.  That they don’t want things to “happen” to them.  And truthfully, neither do I.   Food for thought.

I hope you have a nice start to your weekend!

There was a study done where children ages 4-8 were asked, “What does love mean?”  The answers they gave were amazing.  So, I decided to ask my kids and friends what their definitions are of love.  I got some great ones but I won’t tell you what I got from whom …

“Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in way.”

“Love is that spontaneous feeling you get in your body.”

“Love is divine energy.”

“When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore.  So, my grandfather did it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too.  That’s love.”

“Don’t you think love is when the girl puts on perfume and the boy puts on cologne and they go out and smell each other?”

“Love is when my dog licks my face.”

“Love is when you are with someone and you order fries and they don’t ask you to share them.”

“Love makes you smile when you’re tired.”

“Love is when someone hurts your feelings but you don’t get mad because you know if you yell, it will hurt their feelings.”

“Love is when mom makes oatmeal and she takes a bite before giving it to me to make sure it’s sweet enough.”

“When you’re in love, you always want to be together and when you’re not, you’re thinking about being together.”

“Love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions.”

“When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that’s how much you care about them and because their needs come before your own.”

“It’s when they’re the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they’re the first thing you think of when you wake up.”

“You can find true love when you learn to love someone you hate.”

“Love is when you tell someone something you think is bad about you and they love you even more.”

“Love is when you tell a guy that you like his shirt, then he wears it ever day.”

“Love is when you are old but you are still in love with your spouse, even though you know each other so well.”

“Love is when you like someone a lot.  By a lot, I mean you want to talk to them at least once a day.”

“Love is when you feel really passionate about someone, different from how you feel about your friends.”

Enjoy the day! 

Yesterday I forced (yes, forced) my children to join my triathlon group for its annual Memorial Day track work out.  It’s a day when the members bring children, family members, etc. and we do a fun track work out.  Yesterday was 10 x 400’s with a partner.

You would have thought I had asked them to give up their electronic devices for a year (it was less than an hour!) or sports for their lives.  I got so much flack (non swear word) for this activity.  Honestly, even getting out of the car at the track the boys were saying, “Why are you making us do this?”  “What do I get in return?” (my answer to the latter was not pleasant).   My daughter was a bit more gracious about it, even when she got paired with the coach who claims she’s not fast, but really is VERY fast.

During the work out, my boys took it upon themselves to beat their old mom.  They were not on my team (thankfully) and whenever they were coming along on the track when I was running, they would pass me with a smile, maybe a comment like “slow poke” and then bolt … like the road runner.   I gotta say, they are very fast – those long legs and young lungs help!

Here’s the thing: I might feel bad if I had been a fast runner in my youth and I’m now slowing down for the next generation – but that’s not the case.  Remember my friends, I was the queen of geeks at their age.  When I ran the hurdles, I knocked down every single one and still was so last it wasn’t even funny!  Any sport I tried, I failed.

Now, at 50, I’m likely in the best shape of my life (I’m not saying too much here) and although I’m slower than those three fast road runners in my family, none of them can keep up with me in the distance category (not yet anyway!).  So, when my son said in the car after the run (post-appeasement with Jamba Juices), that I was “beast” for a 50 year old,  I took it as a great complement!  Hey, I’ll take it when I can get it!

Hope you all have a great day today!