I did something this week that I regret.  I didn’t steal or cheat or anything like that.  I just did something, let something get to me, and didn’t behave in a way that I like.  No one really noticed it but me.  I am still thinking about it.  I don’t like regret, even though we all have it.

I guess I need to let myself off the hook.  Certainly I agree with the notion that the understanding that you did something you regret, is half the battle.  And we all feel it every day.  So, I’m normal, right?

Really, regret is the recognition that the world is not as good or perfect as it could be (or we want it to be).  Regret means that we wish something hadn’t happened, but it doesn’t imply that you could have or should have done anything about it or even responded differently.

There is some good to regret.  It means we look at the things we do in an effort to do better the next time.  It’s like getting angry; it can be helpful at times to allow us to look at issues and work through them.

Thinking or worrying (that’s me) about the situation too much can be counterproductive.  So, it is important to let go of the regret and use it for some greater purpose … to change our behavior the next time … maybe even to apologize (I’m going to do that today).

So, regardless of whether you do something you regret involving your kids, your spouse or even friends, know that regret will help make your life better.  Again, life really is about embracing our mistakes!

Have a great day!

Life has a way of giving you “Ah-ha” moments.   These are the precise moment that you have an epiphany and suddenly understand something that you had previously not understood or despite your best efforts, had not been able to understand it until that exact moment.

I realized today that I am blogging my ah-ha moments.  But my fear is that I won’t do anything with them.  Am I implementing them in my life?  Am I just writing them down and then forgetting them?  Have I become a better person by at least acknowledging my ah-ha moments?  What do you do with your “moments?”

I’ve can say that by taking my ah-ha moments and looking at them, I’ve (sortof) released myself from the clutches of my need for perfectionism – which has led me to some other things:

1. I’ve got a better understanding that I am never going to be a yogi who can meditate for more than 36 seconds!  But, that’s ok.  That’s not who I am.

2. I’ve learned that I am not an 8 hour a night sleeper.  Never have been and as I am getting old(er), I am sleeping less.  Sure it makes me a bit foggy but isn’t that just preparation of my late(r) years?

3. I’ve learned that my kids really are ok and thankful young human beings.  Sometimes I don’t see it, but when I do, I realize that I’ve done the best I can and the rest is up to them (with me watching, of course!).

4. I’ve learned that sharing my flaws shows me just how many I actually have and how much work I really have to do!  That was a big ah-ha moment!

5. I’ve had a few big ah-ha moments about love and relationships from this blog.  More to come on that front!

6. I’ve learned that I have to let go of things.  I have not learned how to do that yet but I do know that I’m going to have to learn.  I have good teachers.

7. I now know that life will end.  I knew that before.  I watched it with my mom but for some reason I see it more clearly now.  This is a tough one and writing any more will just make me cry.

A friend told me this week that he felt very young inside but that his body was getting older and he knew it.   He said it was his ah-ha moment.  I know the feeling!

My point?  Don’t wait for the “moment” to occur.  Sometimes our ah-ha moments come when a family member is sick or some tragedy occurs.  I wish that was not often the case.  But, don’t let those moments go by without change or examination.  Think about who you are.  Be true to and accept yourself – that alone will be an ah-ha moment.

Have a great day!

On our last day on vacation, I want to say a few things to my children.  Honestly, I think we should be saying these things to our kids every day.  

Thank you for a wonderful time this week.  You teach me things by your innocence.  You entertain me in the funniest of ways.  

I pray that you will always keep the incredible sense of wonder you have about the world and life.  It is so much fun to watch.

I hope you will always stay as close to your siblings as you are today.  Stay close to me too.  There are phones everywhere!  There is nothing more important than family.

Continue to grow up and be smart and curious.  It will serve you well.

Enjoy life.  Don’t be in such a hurry to get to the next thing.  If you do, you will miss the here and now.

Love yourself. Love your body.  Love your differences.

Enjoy the quite moments and the loud experiences.

You get one chance and every moment counts.

I had a great time this week (despite ourselves!).  I hope you did too!

Love Mom

When the self-check out lanes came to grocery stores I thought it was a good thing.  People could run in for a carton of milk and not wait behind those people with 122 items or less.  If you needed tampons, condoms or even that huge tub of ice cream (just for you), you could do it discreetly.  Yet, I was lulled into a sense of security with these lanes that was completely smashed last night.

After four hours of driving back from the Twins spring training game to Miami (yes, made longer by too much traffic) we stopped at a grocery store to pick up a few things.  I decided to use the self-checkout.  I won’t go into details, but by the end my daughter was reduced to tears (laughing) at my inability to get the f&^%#@ machine to read the rice and butter I wanted; my boys were trying to calm me down, thinking I might throw something, I think I raised my voice (I was in a frustrated stupor so I can’t recall everything that happened!) and I had crushed my last nerve!  We got out of there (barely) and I was frantic and fuming (we spent almost 5 minutes just trying to get it to read my credit card!).

So, I decided to do a bit of research on these “machines.”  The Food Marketing Institute prepared a report indicating that customers reported higher satisfaction with their shopping experience when they went through traditional checkout lanes (yea, get that!).  The studies also show that there are significant problems with the “machines:” delays due to coupon confusion and payment; intentional and accidental theft; and misidentifying produce and baked goods (it could not read the weight of my grapes last night!). Several other notables included that the “machines” were “unbelievably sensitive” yet “habitually unresponsive” and that these same “machines” (read “monsters”) have even brought employees to tears or “the verge of homicide.”  Oh baby, that was me last night!!!

I’m going to make a political statement here:  These self-checkouts have to GO!  I know they are addicting and we think we can get in and out quickly but we can’t.  I aged 15 years last night in the span of 7 minutes.  So, my friends, enjoy them while they last.  If I have anything to say about it, it won’t be much longer that people can buy those laxatives in the privacy of the self-checkout lane.

Have a wonderful day and if you have to go to the grocery store, find a checkout with a person scanning your goods!

I’m Italian.  We touch. We hug.  We eat.  We dance to the music in our minds. We are passionate about everything. And we always cry from laughing hard.  Sadly, these are traits that my kids don’t particularly like in me.  Mind you, that does not affect how I behave.  But it does mean that I get comments from my kids about my “behavior.”  Yesterday was no exception:

My Son: Why did you touch that guy and what did you say?

Me:  Well, he had on a Twins shirt and I touched him to get his attention and said, “Go Twins!”

My Son: That’s so weird.  You don’t even know him.

Me: So.  Do I need to know him to talk with him?

My son: Yea.  It’s creepy that you touched that guy.

Hmm, I start to think. Am I creepy and awkward?  Is my touching of people an issue?  I touched our new partner recently when he had dust on his pants.  Do you think I could be a pervert, creepy and awkward?

I’ve told my kids that it takes courage to do the awkward thing. That, there will be times where they have to make a choice different from the group and they need to inspire themselves to be awkward.  I love that idea!

I remember that my friends thought my mom was cool and my father was hip (he still is!).  Weren’t we all going to be the cool parents—the ones who were up on all the current trends and never embarrassed our kids?

The truth is, f you are going to parent well, you will have moments when you will need to parent awkwardly.  I recall my father asking my sister and me about birth control.  We were 15 and 13.  I was so embarrassed and it was incredibly awkward, but at the same time I was grateful that he cared enough to ask.

They say I have done some pretty “awkward” things as a parent.  For example, I ban them from music when studying.   I have banned TV except on the weekend.  I really despise Sponge Bob (he really is dumbing down America). Plus, I force them to talk to me about what’s happening with them at school and with friends – even when they don’t really want to.  “Super awkward.”

Not every moment is going to be awkward.  Yet, we need those awkward moments in order to be an effective parent – risking peace to move forward is all part of the growth and parenting process.

Have a great (and possibly awkward) day!

I have these goals of being calmer and getting through each day with grace and peace of mind.  I really want to be unflappable and move easily and peacefully from one task to another.  Sounds wonderful but it’s not so simple (for me anyway).  In relationships too, anger and frustrations wears on our partners.  However, when we are more in control of our emotions, we communicate better and lead more purposeful lives.   Plus, of course, being calm feels so great and makes us better parents, friends, partners.

Finally, we are on vacation.  Whew.  I wasn’t sure we were going to make it.  A melt down by one of the boys (twice), a melt down by mom (once), a lot of packing, arranging, cleaning (got to have a clean house upon our return!) and a cab that never arrived to pick us up for the airport (thanks to my fantastic friend for pitching in at the last-minute to save us!).

Why is it so much work to do something that’s supposed to be so relaxing?  This time we chose not to use a travel agent and do all the research ourselves.  That might have been too big a job – causing a bit of stress on the preparation side … (well, I’ll let you know how well we did when we get to our various hotels).

We’re looking forward to the warmth, some time together, some baseball (yea!), some extra sleep (for me), some eating out (the boys), working out and relaxing (my daughter) and, of course, an adventure or two.

I am hoping they love each other more on vacation than they do at home.  Could I be asking too much???  We’ve already had the “discussion” about where they sit in the car, who is pulling which suitcase and whether they need a sweatshirt at dinner (even here they argue about whether to take a sweatshirt — some things never change!)

Here’s to a great first day.  Hope you have a fantastic one as well!