Why is it that as adults we forget many of the lessons we learned as children — that we make choices and our choices have consequences, which, more often than not, we are responsible for? Instead, we prefer to play the blame game, rather than simply take responsibility for ourselves. We blame our lateness on traffic (possible, but also possible we did not leave enough time). Or, we blame our partners for things that happen in the relationship (when it is always a two-way street). Think of how many blaming things there are in a day with you and others.
Yesterday, I was involved in a couple of situations where blame was the main game. In the first instance, I was able to remain detached. In the second instance, I took it personally. Clearly, the results on me where different!
Unfortunately, blame is like anger in that it dulls one sense of empathy. It allows a person to push away his/her own emotions and behaviors off onto something or someone else. This results in the unhealthy thought process that it’s not about our choices – it’s about what others “do” to us. It’s as if we’ve forgotten that self-responsiblity is a critical piece to happiness.
In his book Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Branden suggest the following mantras for self-responsibility:
- I am responsible for the achievement of my desires
- I am responsible for my choices and actions
- I am responsible for the level of consciousness I bring to my work
- I am responsible for my behavior with other people – coworkers, associates, customers, spouse, children, friends
- I am responsible for how I prioritize my time
- I am responsible for the quality of my communications
- I am responsible for my personal happiness
- I am responsible for accepting or choosing the values by which I live
- I am responsible for raising my self-esteem
Personally, I think the key to living a long and happy life is knowing how to accept personal responsibility and not blame others — even when it may be their fault. This does not mean you have to go through life letting others walk all over you. This means that you learn to take the high road and be the bigger partner/friend/parent, even when it’s hard. It means that you:
- Apologize when you’re wrong (and sometimes when you’re not)
- Admit when you’ve made a mistake
- Forgive
- Recognize and admit your own shortcomings
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Easy to say (and write) … harder to do. I am looking for a blame-free/personal responsiblity day! I hope you have one too!
theyearof50 