I recently had an “ah-ha experience” with a friend who was asking me if I thought I was a perfectionist (he was telling me I am but I preferred to ignore it). Yikes! I hate where I’ve got to dig deep and admit stuff that I don’t even want to acknowledge. Thankfully, I am not the only wacky woman perfectionist out there.
From my “research,” I found that generally women are more perfectionistic than men. Typically, women are unhappy even if 10 of 11 things are going right and they tend to focus on the 1 rather than the 10 (men – you are not all off the hook, so don’t stop reading yet!).
One article I read suggested that women have this perfectionist aspect because they multitask more and then have more they feel need to be good at. In fact, the article indicated that on average, men worry about three things every day, but women on average worry about 12 things every day. Seriously? (I hear it’s the reverse in thinking about s**!).
Of course, there are some things that we need to be perfect at. If you’re a surgeon, you need to be perfect during surgery – but you don’t have to have a perfectly clean kitchen! I think it’s important to get to the gym most days, but you don’t have to get there every single day (those of you who know me, don’t roll your eyes). How many people do you know that you think are attractive and have it all, yet there is still something that they don’t like about their life or appearance? Why can’t they be happy with what they have?
Isn’t this an issue for all of us … not just women? Isn’t it hard to be happy just with what you have – your body type, your relationship, job, house, spouse …?
Other than intensive therapy (which sounds relaxing right about now) I think we need to practice more active gratitude – paying attention to what’s good in our lives … those 10 things rather than that 1 thing. How to do that? Good friends keep you in check and humor helps too.
When my mom died a friend told me to think of one thing every day that I was grateful for. At first, the things surrounded my mom. Now (I still do it), I have so many things that I often can’t pick one! Sometimes, I pick my perfectionism and I’m thankful for even that (huge!) flaw.
So, today pick one thing that you are thankful for — pick a flaw of yours (if you have one!). Then, try to have a less than perfect day and enjoy it!
theyearof50 