I’ve lived 50 years without really knowing what it means to take care of all of me – how to say “no” instead of “yes.” There’s no question that I’m good at doing things for others. And, there’s no question that I look like I’m taking care of myself. And I am – the outside of me. My question is, am I taking care of the inside of me?
My 40’s were great, even though I had some instability in my personal life, divorce, relationships and a health scare. I ran marathons, triathlons and lots in between. My kids grew up into fantastic human beings and I became much more self-confident and comfortable in my own skin. Isn’t that what your 40’s are about?
Sometimes, however, I buried my vulnerability. I played the resilience card. I sought out quick-fixes. Sometimes I was unhappy in my personal life but I convinced myself I was okay. I wasn’t always taking care of myself emotionally, I was taking care of others. Unconsciously, I played “I’ll take care of myself later” card when I should have used the “I need to take care of myself now,” card.
Somewhere along the overachieving path and spending too much time looking into the future, I lost myself. I forgot how to take care of my inner world. I forgot that I get to say “no” rather than “yes” all the time. I also continued to worry more about disappointing others than about disappointing myself.
I am trying to live my life differently now. Yes, I have strong tapes that want to play into my insecurities and vulnerabilities. Yes, I want everyone to be happy. But, intellectually I know that’s not possible. If I make everyone else happy, I am inevitably forgetting me.
My advice to myself (and you):
Listen to your body and my mind. Trust your intuition. Let go of the people and tapes that harm your psyche – those that have their back … not yours. Don’t let others bring you down. Their negativity is their problem. Practice saying “no” when you need to (and when you want to). Ask yourself questions and allow for the possibility that you won’t always have the answers. Look for those special people in the world who love you unconditionally. Don’t let others guilt you into decisions and don’t be afraid to disappoint someone … just don’t disappoint yourself.
With that focus, I have a feeling that the world will look different – kinder, more meaningful, and more compassionate as will the people in your life. You will have shown those in your orbit how important self-care and love for oneself really is. It’s not until you’re at that point, that you can truly love someone else.
Have a peaceful day.
theyearof50 