We’ve been talking a lot about our feelings at my house. About how much energy goes into stuffing feelings or hanging on to negative feelings rather than letting go and enjoying life.
It’s hard to say “no” when you don’t want to do something. We just stuff it and say “yes” and then we beat ourselves over saying yes. Then, we get frustrated with ourselves for continuing to use energy on these stupid things and then we try to bottle it up and move on. Yes, I agree with the “letting go motto.” But, there’s also the need to give ourselves permission to feel angry. And, when we don’t, we inhibit our ability to say what’s on our mind without fear of losing the love or respect of others.
The problem is, as we’ve been discussing in my house, hurt feelings are inevitable in life particularly in our fast-paced world of imperfect communication between people. The trick to letting go of our hurt feelings is to express those feelings appropriately. “What do you mean?” “What does that look like?” they asked.
I reminded them of the typical scenario: We hold our feelings in, thinking it will be ok, then at some minor infraction we explode out of proportion, often bewildering everyone around us and causing us to be disappointed in us!
I like to think of anger as a constructive emotion. It’s a sign to me that I am hurt and I must find a way to resolve the issue. This is a critical first step. Resolution means listening to your own needs and not trying to convince others of your same needs.
Changing, as my son reminded me yesterday, is not an overnight process. He’s absolutely right. To begin, we first must learn to set limits with others and begin the process of stopping the repetitive tapes being played in our minds. We need to stop worrying about pleasing everyone. We also need to (mostly because we don’t feel great about ourselves) stop discounting compliments we receive and accept them!
So, our motto at home this week is to take responsibility for our own actions and our own feelings. To let go when appropriate and to express our emotions in a respectful way. So far, so good and we are half-way through the week! We’ve also decided to recognize that each of us is going to be part of the problem and part of the solution. This is tough for 14 and 16 year olds – but they seem to be getting my drift! Gotta start ’em young!
Have a great day!
theyearof50 