Monthly Archives: June 2013

I’ve had a lot of “coffee” dates lately.  New friends.  Old (familiar!) friends and clients.  And, I think I am hitting the end of my useful shelf-life on coffee right now.  As a result, I’ve switched to iced tea.  However, even that’s getting a bit long in the tooth.  So, for those of you who are reading this blog who are likely to spend time with me on a coffee “date”  in the near term, here are some other ideas I have for spending time together:

1. Walk around the lake:  There’s nothing more intimate (or relaxing) than a walk around the lake on a warm summer evening – I’ll even go when the sun rises!

2. Walk around Target:  There’s nothing more intimate (or relaxing) than walking through Target getting toothpaste, paper towels and that really thick red licorice.

3. Bike ride:  I am a fearful rider, but I can talk, ride and drink my water bottle at the same time.  I gotta believe that’s the entire package.

4. Mani/Pedi:  Since this  list is for my women friends as well as my guy friends, I can only imagine that the latter would not find this interesting.  That’s fine.  I’ll give this one up for you guys, unless you are one of those cool, enlightened ones.  If so, let’s go!

5. Alcohol:  No explanation necessary.

6. Twins game (with a beer):  Given their stats, the beer is mandatory.  See 5 above.

7.   Old Country Buffet:  I’ve not been there since I was pregnant with the boys.  I could use some nostalgia (and some high fat/high sodium food).  I’m sure the people watching is just as interesting now as it was then.

8. Brookstone:  You’ve got to admit that this store has some cool stuff!

9. Bookstores:  Remember my failed attempt at opening a bookstore?  I love books!  Even though you can’t chat loudly, I love looking. You’ll find me in the cooking, sports and travel sections (plus, I like the magazines too!).

10. Movies:  Actually, I really go for the popcorn and the opportunity to turn my phone off for more than an hour.  I love those art flicks!

It summer (finally) and I’m up for anything!  Any takers on a spa weekend???

Have a great Thursday!

Dear Love (my daughter):

So, in order to survive my plane ride home, (my daughter is at a rowing camp in Connecticut), I did what any new-age mom does for mind-candy, I got on the internet.  And, as I was searching for something, up came a list of popular searches.  One of them was “How to keep him interested.”  Really?  It’s 2013 – we need articles like that?  We have Oprah now!  I pulled up the list and started to check it out.

After I got over my shock, I got a bit upset.  Love, it is not, nor will it ever be your job to “keep him interested.”  All you need to do is be your loving self.  Know your own soul.  That place that isn’t affected by rejection, loss and a fragile ego.  Boys, this holds true for you too.

Remember, you are worthy of interest.  If you can also remember that everyone else is worthy of interest, your life struggles will be greatly lessened.   

The person of your dreams should not need to be kept interested.  He will know you are interesting – Be Yourself!  It doesn’t matter if he has a few difficult habits (we all do!).  As long as his eyes are on you and the focus is on your soul – then nothing else matters.

It really doesn’t matter the amount of money he makes. What matters is that he follows his heart and does good things in the world and all that he does leads back to you.

It doesn’t matter what kind of car he drives, the clothes he wears or the schools he attended.  What matters is he wants to learn about the world, his life and he understands that you bring color to his world.

Nor do I care about the color of his skin or the way he votes (kind of don’t care about how he votes!).  As long as he wakes up next to you and places you in his heart and mind each day.  As long as he protects your vulnerabilities and tenderness.  I know you will do the same for him.

I guess it’s never to early to send this message to our future young adults: stay true to yourself, be with those who will love and protect you and don’t worry so much about outward appearances.

So, love — have a great couple of weeks.  Soak it all in and enjoy this exciting new privilege and adventure.  I’ll look forward to catching up with you each day!

I love you.  Mom

P.S.  I guess this blog is for all of us.  The right people in our lives, whether partners or friends, will remain interested as long as we are true to ourselves.

Have a great day!

I’m in Connecticut, dropping my daughter at camp (tomorrow’s blog will be filled with tears, I’m sure) and I was doing some laundry in a fairly sketchy neighborhood.  While I was waiting for the washer, I decided to walk next door to a CVS.

Contrary to the dirty and somewhat unsafe neighborhood outside, the store was beautifully clean and well-lit.  I felt like I was in heaven!  I walked around, picked up a few things and went to the register.

There, at the checkout, was a guy, a customer, who was less than 5 feet tall.  He clearly had not showered that day, nor maybe for weeks!  His clothes were dirty and he was missing a number of teeth (I didn’t want to start counting them but I think there were at least three missing in front!)

As my things were rung up, the cashier asked me if I had a CVS card (answer – no).  The customer asked me if I wanted to use his points card to get a discount and then asked if I just wanted to use his points.  He called me “Lady.” I haven’t been called Lady in a long time!

I ended up saving $5.  As we were walking out together he started telling me about his life.  No parents, no siblings, lived above the laundry mat.  His wife divorced him because he couldn’t hold a job and now he cleans the washers and dryers at the laundry mat.  He told me he shops at CVS every day.

We parted ways and I thanked him again.  He went into his apartment and I was headed to put the clothes in the dryer.  Then I stopped, ran back to CVS and asked the cashier about this guy.  They told me that he is a great guy.  Broke, would help anyone he could and that he comes in every day to buy a few things to eat.

I pulled out my credit card and bought a gift certificate in his name.  I asked the cashier if he would give it to him tomorrow.  (I’m counting on his honesty too).  He said of course and suggested that it was the nicest thing he’s seen in a long time.  Clearly, he’s not living in Minnesota where nice is our middle name!!!

Please, let me say this – I don’t have a lot of money.  I’m a working single mom, trying to keep it together and do the best for my kids.  And, this isn’t about money.  This was about helping … that’s all … helping.

As I sit here now and write this blog, I realize that there are so many people I will meet in my life time that I’ll only meet once.  I will only have one opportunity to make a difference.  That was yesterday.  It’s a sad but important realization about life.  Take advantage of it.

Have a wonderful day and, if you can, make a difference with a chance encounter.

We spend a lot of time and energy looking over the fence to find a way to get to the other side.  You know the side – where the grass is greener, where there’s more money, completely happy people with great jobs and relationships and no weeds.  This “looking”  begins when we are young … always talking about, “when I ….. (graduate, get married, lose weight, get a job) my life will be perfect.”  But the truth is, there’s always something else that we “want” and we never really get there.

The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that when we get “there” everything will be better.  The truth is we never get “there” because we are always right here. 

When we look over the fence, we ignore all the weeds on that new side and we stop paying attention to the positive features of our current side.  And, as I’ve written about before, I think the attention and focus on where we want to go or be can make all the difference in the world to our happiness and satisfaction with where we are.

Lately, I’ve been thinking of selling our house.  No one wants to move, other than me.  I keep thinking that I’ll like entertaining more if I had a house I loved.  That it will just feel better to move – a fresh start.  This is me just thinking that something is better than what I have.  Why do I need something better?  I have something great already.  (I’m still looking for justifications, if you have any!).

This fence looking occurs a lot during our (read: me) mid-life crises.  We think a better relationship, better car, more s** (with a different person), a new job … all of that will stop the feeling that we are aging and time is moving past us.  Sound even remotely familiar?

The real truth is that we are already on the side that is the greenest.   Sure, as I’m getting older I have more “weeds” to pull and I have to use a bit more fertilizer to keep the grass green.  But if I really am honest, my grass is just what I’ve cultivated for myself and it’s just the kind of grass I need (not want – there’s a difference).  My focus and attention should be internal and on making the collective world better, not on jumping over a new fence.  

I read this once: “Imagine how beautiful our world would be if we all tended to our own garden.  The entire world would be covered with flowers and the grass [would be} the most magnificent shade of green ever!”

So today, appreciate the weeds in your garden.  Plant a few more flowers (literally and figuratively) and just keep watering what you have.  Amazing things will happen right in your own garden.

Have a wonderful day!

Today, as we all know, is Father’s Day.  There is something incredibly special about fathers.  They have a way of relating to their kids without the (sometimes) hysteria of moms.   They can be calming and affirming in a “guy” sort of way.  My kids’ father is one of those guys.  While we didn’t have what it took to be married, I can honestly say that I got a great father for my kids.

My father and I weren’t particularly close for most of my life.  My parents were divorced when I was young and we moved north when I was a teen.  When my mom died, my father came to her memorial service.  While I didn’t see him there, he told me afterwards how amazing he thought my eulogy was, in front of 600+ people.  I was shocked.  Not that he had never complemented me but he really never complemented me.  From that tragic death, came the silver lining and our relationship began to change.

Last year, I decided to stop one of my volunteer activities and spend more time with my dad.  The first time we met for coffee he asked what the “occasion” was – did I need money?  Yup, this was going to be an interesting process.  Somehow, through our various life issues, we began to both share and open up more.  I am so thankful for this time with him – regardless of how long it lasts.  It’s been my complete and total pleasure to get to know him.

So, although this is a bit of a Hallmark holiday, it’s a perfect day to celebrate anyone who has played a father-type role in our lives or the lives of our children.   Nothing can substitute for the love and support of a parent in a child’s life.  In my world, there is no success I care more about than my role as a parent.  I know that there are fantastic male figures in my children’s lives.  And for that, I am incredibly thankful.

To my colleague: I am sorry about your news.  You are an incredible person and father.  All will be ok.  You, your children, your wife and all who love you will be better and stronger for the experience you are about to embark on.  Peace, health and strength.

Have a wonderfully special day!

Arrogance says, “I deserve a better (partner, job, life).”
Humility says, “The (partner, job, life) I have is a gift.”

Friends, I know something odd is going on in my world when my downward facing dogs result in my sniffing my yoga mat.  Clearly, I’m not focused.  Yes, I’m sure there are some psychological issues that you can glean from my sniffing but let’s leave that alone for now.

I usually don’t even think of sniffing anything in yoga.  In fact, the opposite is true, the body smells in that room can be so bad, that I wish I wasn’t breathing let alone smelling.  Yet, yesterday was different.  And, it happened right away as I moved from upward facing dog to downward facing dog.

At first, I wasn’t sure what that smell was.  I looked around to see if someone was eating (reminiscent of the woman at the CLE last week!).  Nope. Then, I wondered if one of my kids had been using my mat.  But there was no mistaking it … my yoga mat smelled like a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

I know you’re all interested in analyzing this so let me do it for you.  I think that this is a freudian sort of thing … where that which I’ve restricted in my life, is coming alive in yoga!  What a perfect place for even more mind wandering!

This made me think — how many things do I crave that I don’t allow myself to enjoy?

1. French Fries.  While I am not a fried food lover, I am a ketchup lover (must be the sugar) and there is nothing better than some crunchy fries slathered with ketchup.  I have not smelled fries at yoga.

2. Red meat.  I used to be a carnivore.  Then I became a vegetarian.  Now I’m AC DC but still no red meat or pork.  But those grilled steaks smell good! I wonder if the guy next to me tomorrow will smell like beef?

3. State Fair Foot Long.  Here’s a true story: when I was young(er), the only thing I wanted at the Fair was a foot long.  The kind with the crunchy ends, filled with ketchup, mustard and sauerkraut.  I wasn’t dating back then (for obvious reasons – read: eating habits) and, as a result, could eat a whole one all by myself.  Seriously, in a hot yoga class everyone smells like sauerkraut!

4. More than one glass of wine. Please friends, can one of you pick me up, take me out, let me drink two glasses and then drive me home – without passing judgment on how intoxicated I might be after the first 1/2 a glass?  Can I drink wine after yoga like we have beer after a race?

5. Krispy Kreme Doughnut.  Yet another reason for therapy.

I hope you have a wonderful start to the weekend!  I’m off to have coffee and maybe a doughnut!

Have you ever been stuck?  I mean really stuck.  The kind where you don’t know you’re stuck until you’re out?  Of course, we all get stuck at some point or another and it’s easy to do.  Staying in an unhealthy relationship,  a bad job, not staying in shape, etc. … even small things, like our habits of the day — these are all signs of us getting stuck.  When we get stuck we feel paralyzed about a decision and unsure what choice to make.  When we’re stuck, things feel immovable, entrenched, even hopeless. The good news is, they aren’t.

We are our own change agents.  We humans are extremely adept at getting unstuck, at seeing the same thing in new ways, discovering new insights and changing our attitudes.  But we need some tools to create that movement.  We need to shed the fear that comes with change and getting unstuck. 

Recently I got unstuck from something.  I’d wanted the change for a long time, and had seen glimpses of myself in the unstuck state,  but those visions didn’t last long.  Why? Because I was filled with fear of change and I didn’t understand that I had a choice about being unstuck.  Haven’t I seen the Wizard of Oz a thousand times — I had the ruby red slippers!

So, if you ever feel like you’re banging your head against a wall or just unhappy with what’s happening in your life or who you’re with … don’t just surrender and settle.  Don’t think that it’s normal.  Visualize what the change will look like and make a decision to get there.

We have the power to change anything in our lives – really.  But it takes confidence, the love and support of those around you (you can always count on me!!) and the knowledge that it’s your choice.  I strongly believe that the universe (or however you want to describe it) can’t give you what you really need unless you open yourself up to it.

We are here to live our best life.  And, in order to do that, we need to get unstuck, move away from the negative and live for the collective good.  Then, just keep your eyes open.  The rest will be laid right in front of you!

Have a fantastic day!

The hardest thing in life is to admit defeat but it is also the most noble thing to do. 

We are, all of us, stories.  The stories we tell about ourselves.  One story I tell about myself is that I should never admit defeat.  That any problem can be solved.  Any issue can have a good outcome.  But that’s just a story because sometimes defeat is inevitable.

In life,  from every defeat, we can learn more about our own truth and why a particular situation, what ever it is, didn’t work.

Once we admit defeat, we can resolve to start admitting what we really feel about people in our lives—not just parroting some greeting card version of our relationships.

We can start admitting what we really feel about ourselves —even the negative things— so that we can identify the areas of strength and can build on, and other areas we genuinely need to change.

Resolve to start saying more about what you really believe—spiritually and politically and ethically and morally—because to the extent that you declare your truth, you start living with honesty and conviction.

This journey toward one’s own truth isn’t easy.  But it is the most important journey you can take in your life. Because being absent from your own existence short circuits everything else. You can’t resolve to do anything, and mean it, if you are not clear on your self.

That’s all.  Today, be honest about your self, where you are, who you are with and where you are going.  I promise, great things will happen!