We spend a lot of time and energy looking over the fence to find a way to get to the other side. You know the side – where the grass is greener, where there’s more money, completely happy people with great jobs and relationships and no weeds. This “looking” begins when we are young … always talking about, “when I ….. (graduate, get married, lose weight, get a job) my life will be perfect.” But the truth is, there’s always something else that we “want” and we never really get there.
The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that when we get “there” everything will be better. The truth is we never get “there” because we are always right here.
When we look over the fence, we ignore all the weeds on that new side and we stop paying attention to the positive features of our current side. And, as I’ve written about before, I think the attention and focus on where we want to go or be can make all the difference in the world to our happiness and satisfaction with where we are.
Lately, I’ve been thinking of selling our house. No one wants to move, other than me. I keep thinking that I’ll like entertaining more if I had a house I loved. That it will just feel better to move – a fresh start. This is me just thinking that something is better than what I have. Why do I need something better? I have something great already. (I’m still looking for justifications, if you have any!).
This fence looking occurs a lot during our (read: me) mid-life crises. We think a better relationship, better car, more s** (with a different person), a new job … all of that will stop the feeling that we are aging and time is moving past us. Sound even remotely familiar?
The real truth is that we are already on the side that is the greenest. Sure, as I’m getting older I have more “weeds” to pull and I have to use a bit more fertilizer to keep the grass green. But if I really am honest, my grass is just what I’ve cultivated for myself and it’s just the kind of grass I need (not want – there’s a difference). My focus and attention should be internal and on making the collective world better, not on jumping over a new fence.
I read this once: “Imagine how beautiful our world would be if we all tended to our own garden. The entire world would be covered with flowers and the grass [would be} the most magnificent shade of green ever!”
So today, appreciate the weeds in your garden. Plant a few more flowers (literally and figuratively) and just keep watering what you have. Amazing things will happen right in your own garden.
Have a wonderful day!
theyearof50 