Monthly Archives: April 2013

As you’ve figured out, I believe that if you do the right thing, the right things will happen. That’s not the reason to do the right thing … but it’s a nice consequence.  

Some people have convinced themselves (justified) that they are doing the right thing, even when we all know it is not the right thing.  Frankly, life is not meant to be complicated.  It is straight forward.  Do the right thing and you feel good.  Do the “wrong” thing and you feel regret, anger, blaming, etc. 

How does this fit with yesterday?  I was at a pharmacy and a woman was being told that she needed money for her prescription and she didn’t have it.  They told her that they would hold it for 10 days but that she couldn’t have it at that time.  As she left, I asked the counter person how much she needed.  She wouldn’t tell me but it didn’t matter. I ran out to get the woman and told her I would pay for the prescription.  I’m not sure she understood english, but she knew what I was doing.  When the counter person rang it up it was $1.00.  How was it that no one in that busy pharmacy could give the woman $1.00? I was prepared to pay a lot more.  That got me thinking …

It is so easy to just stay inwardly focused.  To just pay attention to what’s in our life and not stay present enough to see (and feel) what’s happening outside.  The people in the pharmacy were busy doing their job and I get that.  But, failing to keep track of our surroundings and the people in them will cause us to miss our opportunities to help.  

This was a good reminder to me.  I think I have been inwardly focused lately and I needed a moment to step outside and see that there is more than just my little world.  I have some friends who are constantly doing for others and I admire them so much.  We need more of us to join in.

So, I hope you all get a chance this week to step outside (not in the snow but you know what I mean!), and join the world.  Buy a cup of coffee for someone.  A smile or hold a door.  No matter how brief, it will change your day, week and maybe even more.

Have a great day!

I had a day, yesterday.  It was fine but filled with a few weird occurrences, which I will simply list:

1. I got an email from someone I have not talked with in a few years asking how I was dealing with being 50.  I said that I never even think about it (yea right!) and I send her the blog site.  Next question.

2. I stopped at the AAA store for something.  I see that they sell a pack of two pairs of underwear that can last for 30 days.  Something about “fast drying.”  It gives me a bit of a stomach ache.  I move on.

2. While waiting at an appointment, I decide to clean out my purse.  Here’s what I find: A fork (a real fork).  A 1/2 eaten protein bar.   Two already chewed pieces of gum wrapped in very small papers.  And, some note to myself from January 2013.  I’m clearly not paying attention.

3. At that same appointment, I need to use the restroom.  I try two different ones, only to open each door and find someone in there.  Don’t people lock the doors in public anymore?  I saw a butt and another “private.”  I never did go to the bathroom.

4. As we are leaving, my father and I walk past a door with a sign, “Human Specimen Waiting Room.”  Can a specimen wait?  I’m too afraid to dig deeper into this one.  We keep moving.

5. I missed lunch.

6. The judge at my pre-trial was clearly younger than me.  This is getting a little weird.  Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was younger than the judges?

7. I then go to my “yearly.”  Usually, this appointment is in the middle of the day and I’m rushing to get there and rushing to leave.  This time it was the last thing on my calendar.  I decide to use this to my advantage.  I get the paperwork clip board and take my sweet (and quiet) time filling it out.  I am finally beginning to relax.  The nurse says that she needs to measure my height to be sure I’m not shrinking.  If I’m shrinking, I really don’t want to know about it.

8. The nurse takes me to the exam room and she gives me what appears to be a very small paper “top” and “cover.”  Seriously??

9. I decide that instead of nervously reading a magazine while waiting for the doctor, I will lay down on “the table” and close my eyes.  I’m going to use this time to relax.  It’s sad that I need my “yearly” to find quiet time (I may have actually dozed!).

10. When done, I go to the grocery store, buy food and then, with the fork from my purse (because I’m starving by this point), I eat the food.  Now, I’ve recycled (a dirty fork) and I have a full stomach – life’s good.

The world is a “funny” place – enjoy your day!

Diana Ross had the most beautiful voice and performed many songs that just made you want to get up and MOVE.  I never used to memorize the words of a song until  I noticed my daughter singing every single word of every single song. What is it with kids and songs?  Were we that way?

Recently, we heard this song in the car and we decided that the words alone were enough for a blog post.  The kids think I am always there helping people — anyone.   I’m not sure that’s true but I’ll give it to them and post the words here anyway:

If you need me, call me.  No matter where you are, no matter how far, just call my name, I’ll be there in a hurry.  On that you can depend and never worry.  

No wind, no rain (No wind, no rain).  Nor winter’s cold.  Can stop me, babe, baby (Oh, babe, baby).  If you’re my goal.  Oh, no wind, no rain (No wind, no rain). Can stop me, babe.

If you wanna go, I know, I know you must follow the sun.  Wherever it leads.  But remember, if you should fall short of your desires, remember life holds for you one guarantee.  You’ll always have me.

And if you should miss my love, one of these old days.  If you should ever miss the arms, that used to hold you so close, or the lips that used to touch you so tenderly;

Just remember what I told you, The day I set you free …

Ain’t no mountain high enough. Ain’t no valley low enough. Ain’t no river wild enough – To keep me from you.

Love, life and helping others.  That’s what the collective heart of this world is all about.  I really hope my kids get that (kids, pay attention to this message!).  It’s a chain reaction.  It’s the pay if forward theory.  It feels great!

Have a fantastic Monday — and be there for someone this week!

When people talk about my kids, I hear, “he/she is such a nice kid.” I smile and say thanks.  But I want to say “not to me!”   Basically, they’re wonderful to any adult who isn’t me!  With me, my teens can be sassy, talk back and just plain nasty at times.

Here’s our conversation yesterday:

Me:  (in a mad tone) I’m done with the XBox!  I don’t like how you’ve been treating me lately and I’m going to say no more XBox until I receive a more respectful level of treatment!

Him:  I want to be treated respectfully too.  You don’t treat me nicely either.

Me: Fine.  Until we both treat each other better, no XBox (this doesn’t seem fair to me but – I’m on top here (I think)).

Him: Fine.  Good.

How’s this going to work?  I did come back and tell him that it’s not the XBox I hate (well, I do hate it, but that’s beside the point). It’s the attitude I’m getting.  The sassy.

Truth is,  my son is smart, funny, perceptive, creative and thoughtful.  But, he can “lawyer” me if I miss one word in a sentence:

Me: Did you put all your books in your backpack so you’re ready to go?

Him: Yes (he’s playing a game).

Me: Are you sure.

Him: I said yes! (that attitude starts my blood boiling)

The bus comes and he frantically says, “Why didn’t you put these snacks in my backpack?”  (mind you, if he had his backpack ready this wouldn’t be an issue.)   I say, “You told me that it was ready.”   Then, in his sassy voice, I hear “You didn’t tell me to put the food in it.”  S&*% like that is really bugging me right now.

I’m forgetting parenting 101 – if we repeatedly respond to mildly annoying behavior, we’re giving it power and strength.  I’ve got to remember that the less power I give it, the less power it has.  Eventually, with no support or feedback from me, it will likely die its natural death – extinction! (Bet this works with our partners too!!)

I’ve got to focus on the only thing I can control – my response.  I need to let the minor stuff slide and pull out my guns (and I’ve got a few big ones!) when I want to point out the important stuff.  This morning, I realized that nothing is more powerful than,  “Don’t talk to me that way, I don’t like it,” then turning and walking away — then the power leaves with me.

So, I’m going to back off, put some duct tape on my mouth and use the tried and true approach.  It’s either that or a week at a spa … (anyone want (need) to join me?).

Have a great day!

Seriously, there are some really bizarre iPhone apps out there.  We just got our first iPad and I was checking out some apps.  Here are a few that I found:

MedXSafe:  This is an app that tells others that you are STD-free.  It does not share medical information about you, such as whether you have an STD; it simply lets others know you don’t have an STD as of the date you are cleared by your doctor. Users can bump phones to learn each other’s STD-free status.  I just can’t even comment on this one.

Annoy-a-teen:  This app uses high-frequency sounds only young people can hear.  It stops them in their tracks so they will listen to you (not).

Honey It’s Me:  This app gives lonesome cell phone owners regular messages from a digital girlfriend named Mina.  It offers Korean-speaking men four daily video calls from a winsome 20-something model who has recorded 100 messages, including “Are you still sleeping? Time for breakfast!” and “Good night, sweet dreams.”  I want to work for iTunes so I can see all the people buying this one!

Voodoo:  This is an app for those times when you just can’t whip out your voodoo doll of your boss, former partner, etc.  It allows you to (virtually) stick pins in folks you simply don’t like.   OMG!

 iFart:  A fantastically puerile app which transforms your iPhone or iPod touch into a virtual fart machine. We don’t need this in our house.  Farts come out without an app.

iWhistle: This app that has over 10 million users! Take control and teach your dog new tricks via this simple to use dog whistle.  Do they have this for kids or men (sorry guys)?

Hold On:  This is the dumbest one yet.  Here you compete to see how long you can hold the button! The timer shows your progress down to the millisecond and stores your personal all-time record.  Yup.  I got time for this one.

To my beautiful 16-year-old daughter:

Today is the day you turn 16.  I’ve been teary-eyed all week.  First, I want to say how much I love you and how grateful I am to have you in my life.  You are so full of life and love for everyone around you (except your brothers – please work on that!).

When my mom was dying I begged her not to go.  I said that I would need her help since I was such a horrible teenager and I wondered how I’d survive that time with you.  She promised me she would help guide you and your brothers after she was gone … and (now I am sobbing), she has.  “Thank you Mom.  Hasn’t she turned out to be so lovely?”

You, my lovie, are an old soul.  So many people have said that about you … even strangers … from the time you could walk.  I am not sure what that means or why I got you, but I’m glad I did.  You’re a gift and I treasure you.

I’ve watched you go from a tiny baby, to a girl who loved pink and dresses, to a girl that doesn’t like pink or dresses.  But all this time, you’ve stayed the same nice person.  You are beautiful — inside and out.

Please, let me take a brief moment to give you some mom-advice.  You know all this but someday you will read this post and will be thankful I put it in writing (boys, this is for you too).

Honey, life is amazing.  It is full of wonderful opportunities and experiences for you to enjoy.  It is also filled with many other events that will make you so sad that you’ll feel like you can’t take another step forward.   There are so many kids/teens/adults who take their lives because they feel that life is so horrible, so ruined, that they can’t go further.

So, the one thing I want to give you today is the knowledge that no matter what happens in your life — no matter what happens … nothing, I mean nothing will ruin your life forever.

You will make mistakes.  And, you will feel bad, I’m sure.  But, even when things are tough, please know that it will always get better.  Know that we love you no matter what you do or the choices you make.

Remember the time when you were crying because your brothers called you names when you were babysitting them?  Yet, that overwhelmingly sad feeling left pretty quickly.   It’s the same with life.  The good stuff seems to stick with you longer (thankfully) and the difficult stuff moves by a bit faster.  Please honey, never forget that there will always be a silver lining to everything in life.

Don’t let other people be mean to you.  Stand up for those being hurt … those people who may not be as smart or confident as you.  Treat people’s feelings like fragile puppies and give them all the care and love you can.  That’s why we are here – for the collective good.

So on this, your 16th birthday, I wish you: love, peace, joy, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control and happiness.  Really, you have it all already.

I love you very, very much. HB!

Mom

Sorry guys — I think this one might just be for women.

I have a bad habit — I pluck my gray hair.  I’ve heard the old adage that for every gray hair you pluck, three will grow back, but I don’t care (nor do I believe it).  My mom warned me about plucking but I didn’t have gray hair when she was alive.  Now I do and I am plucking them out.  (looking up – “sorry mom!”)

Sure, it looks so relaxing to see women sit in chairs at the salon with all that tin foil in their hair reading a magazine.  But I can’t bring myself to color my hair just yet.  My sister started in her 40’s …. maybe earlier.  To me, out of all the signs of aging, this is the one I’ve been stuck trying to ignore.  But it’s not working and I am losing interest.

I don’t have that many (although I can’t see the back of my head and can’t get my kids to pluck for me!).  My father didn’t go gray until very late in life and he still is not totally gray.  Mine?  They seem to stick out like a sore thumb so it’s easy to hunt and pluck.

Know how I know that others are doing the same thing?  Livestrong has a “process” for plucking hair!  Check this out:

I got the greatest compliment today. Someone said that I sounded so happy on the phone.

Think about how easy it is for a baby or small child to fall asleep. We’re born with the natural instinct to relax and sleep when our bodies need to.  As we get older, we control and suppress these urges to remain alert as we go to school,  go to work or care for a family.   Some of us spend years teaching ourselves to perform well even when we are tired. While this is a necessary skill, it prevents us from letting go and learning to relax.

Relaxing can take many forms.  For some, it’s napping or just doing nothing.  This would drive me crazy.  For me, it’s running or participating in some activity.  This drives those that love me crazy!  Yet, I’ve decided that we are not all going to relax in the same way and we have to accept even those differences!

Of course, there is nothing like a little down time for the mind (there’s no question that this is one of my biggest flaws).  We have to give ourselves permission to stop thinking about work, kids, personal problems or tasks.  I really have not come to grips with how to do this sort of mind-relaxing thing on a consistent basis.   I’m working on this one.

Relaxing physically is also important (and also hard for me).  I tried to do it this weekend.  We went to the lake for 24 hours (I ran seven miles first so I would not get antsy!!).  I told myself that I would not strap on my running shoes or work for at least 24 hours.  I spent a lot of time doing what I never do – sitting, talking, sleeping, eating and totally enjoying the company … it was great!

Sometimes, I can get stressed out just thinking about finding time to relax.  I mean every magazine tells us our life will be shortened if we don’t!  That’s stressful in and of itself!  But, let’s be honest.  Life is set up in such a way that there are periods when our focus is elsewhere — with our kids, our jobs, school — and that’s ok – we just can’t clear our mind or do much physically sometimes.  We have to cut ourselves some slack (Jessica, cut yourself some slack!)

I’ve decided that the best form of relaxation is finding and participating in something that brings you joy — whether it be alone or with others, sedentary or active, goal-directed or aimless.  Today, let’s give ourselves permission to find whatever it is that brings us relaxation and peace and do it (even if it’s for 5 minutes!).  I’m, of course, going to head our for a run now!

Have a great day!