Although this movie came out in 2009, I never could bring myself to watch it. I am generally an emotional person (yes, I know … that’s a shock!) and I knew this would be difficult to watch. Last night it was on TV and I watched it (and used a box of Kleenex).
It was a good movie and I found many lessons to take from it – with one lesson infinitely clear: parents tend to be so focused on their child(ren) doing the “right” thing that they fail to allow for their individuality.
My mom died young and ever since then, I’ve had this notion that nothing is more important than ensuring that my kids have a strong moral compass. She gave it to me and I want to give it to them. I want them to have the same sense of the collective good. In other words, I want them to have my heart.
Is this ok? Is it all right to try to give them my moral compass? Or, should I let them find it for themselves? Have I been too focused on pointing my direction that I’ve failed to allow for their individuality?
Once, one of my boys said he didn’t think I liked who he was as a person. That, of course, is so not true – but something felt that way to him. I told him that I totally loved him. I also told him that sometimes I didn’t like his behavior or attitude but that had nothing to do with how I felt about him as a person. While I hope he gets what I am saying (and I express my love to him every day), I also hope I get what he is saying. He’s saying that he is an individual who sees and will see the world differently than me and his siblings. In turn, he will act in accord with his “self” and that will look different from the other two.
While I try to allow for each of them as individuals, I’m sure I get tripped up at times. I am going to step back this week and look at my kids with a fresh eye. They are all three quite amazing, intuitive and loving children. I do think they have my moral compass. But, am I letting them be them? I’m going to pay more attention.
Have a great start to your week!
theyearof50 