I love the movie, When Harry Met Sally. There are so many funny scenes including the one when Harry finally tells Sally he loves her. He does it by listing all her flaws and then says that he realizes that he not only loves her but he loves all of her flaws as well.
Romantic comedies always follow the same pattern: The couple meets, they hate each and their flaws bug the other, and in the end they find that they are in love – regardless or in spite of the flaws. This doesn’t often happen in real life … well, not in mine anyway!
Relationships are hard work. My son recently said that he didn’t know if he wanted to get married because it seemed like so much work. I smiled and told him that he was right, it is hard work. Great work, but hard work. I reminded him that, just as in life, you have to work at relationship to keep it happy for both parties. Accepting your partner’s flaws is part of that good work.
I am not saying that someone should stay with a partner whose flaws are harmful or damaging – those flaws that are more than flaws. What I am saying is that we should not give up (or get too frustrated) on someone we love because of the small (annoying) flaws. Let’s be honest – we don’t give up on our kids – and they have flaws! They don’t give up on us – and we have flaws. So, why do we give up so quickly (or get so frustrated) with our partners?
Every day I learn yet one more law about myself. And it’s been hard work letting go and not trying to be “perfect.” In the same vein, I’m learning how to let go of the flaws of others and, at times, enjoy and embrace them. When I can actually accomplish that feat, it is a wonderful feeling because at that point I can spend less time and energy on the flaw and more time making the relationship better.
Real love is not blind. Real love has eyes — that are (or should be) open. But, you know it is real love when your eyes are open, you see the flaws and you are still in love!
So, go to your partner and friends and actually say, “thank you” for accepting your flaws – it’s not easy. Also, be sure you love and accept the same in your partner, your friends and yourself – which in my book is really the hardest of all!
Thanks to my family, friends and my CPL for accepting my 10 (billion) flaws … I know it’s tough! 🙂
Have a great day!
theyearof50 