I have always liked the saying in this post title. It really is so true – in both our personal and professional lives. Yet, on a daily basis we continue to make assumptions all the time – often negative ones.
The problem with assumptions is that when we presume we know the person’s intent rather than asking, we are making judgments about the other person – essentially taking that person for granted. This is particularly true when someone makes a negative assumption.
Most assumptions are based on the need or desire to understand a person but often are colored by the individual’s own life experiences. Usually people see what they want to see or make connections where there are none — all in an effort to make the assumption seem more probable or reasonable to them. Then, based on those experiences and assumptions, people convince themselves that they are “right” about the assumption.
Assumptions almost never reflect the true intent of the person. Frankly, no one has the ability to know everything a person is thinking or feeling. Yet, in relationships we have a tendency to think we do. This will often be the demise of a relationship because it prevents one person from listening or trying to understand his/her partner. Just writing this blog makes me realize how harmful it is to make assumptions about other people’s statements, actions and intentions. We even make assumptions of people we don’t even know when we are out in public.
So, how can we avoid making assumptions? It’s simple — ask! Say what you are thinking and ask when you are wondering. It might seem awkward or make you feel vulnerable, but it’s better than the alternative — arguments and hard feelings.
I’m going to watch my own assumptions. Whether they be about my family and friends or people I meet in the grocery store. I have a feeling it will shed new light on how I think and need to think about the world and it will also help me to better understand the people who are important (and positive) in my life.
Have a great day!
theyearof50 