When people talk about my kids, I hear, “he/she is such a nice kid.” I smile and say thanks. But I want to say “not to me!” Basically, they’re wonderful to any adult who isn’t me! With me, my teens can be sassy, talk back and just plain nasty at times.
Here’s our conversation yesterday:
Me: (in a mad tone) I’m done with the XBox! I don’t like how you’ve been treating me lately and I’m going to say no more XBox until I receive a more respectful level of treatment!
Him: I want to be treated respectfully too. You don’t treat me nicely either.
Me: Fine. Until we both treat each other better, no XBox (this doesn’t seem fair to me but – I’m on top here (I think)).
Him: Fine. Good.
How’s this going to work? I did come back and tell him that it’s not the XBox I hate (well, I do hate it, but that’s beside the point). It’s the attitude I’m getting. The sassy.
Truth is, my son is smart, funny, perceptive, creative and thoughtful. But, he can “lawyer” me if I miss one word in a sentence:
Me: Did you put all your books in your backpack so you’re ready to go?
Him: Yes (he’s playing a game).
Me: Are you sure.
Him: I said yes! (that attitude starts my blood boiling)
The bus comes and he frantically says, “Why didn’t you put these snacks in my backpack?” (mind you, if he had his backpack ready this wouldn’t be an issue.) I say, “You told me that it was ready.” Then, in his sassy voice, I hear “You didn’t tell me to put the food in it.” S&*% like that is really bugging me right now.
I’m forgetting parenting 101 – if we repeatedly respond to mildly annoying behavior, we’re giving it power and strength. I’ve got to remember that the less power I give it, the less power it has. Eventually, with no support or feedback from me, it will likely die its natural death – extinction! (Bet this works with our partners too!!)
I’ve got to focus on the only thing I can control – my response. I need to let the minor stuff slide and pull out my guns (and I’ve got a few big ones!) when I want to point out the important stuff. This morning, I realized that nothing is more powerful than, “Don’t talk to me that way, I don’t like it,” then turning and walking away — then the power leaves with me.
So, I’m going to back off, put some duct tape on my mouth and use the tried and true approach. It’s either that or a week at a spa … (anyone want (need) to join me?).
Have a great day!
theyearof50 