Monthly Archives: March 2013

I have these goals of being calmer and getting through each day with grace and peace of mind.  I really want to be unflappable and move easily and peacefully from one task to another.  Sounds wonderful but it’s not so simple (for me anyway).  In relationships too, anger and frustrations wears on our partners.  However, when we are more in control of our emotions, we communicate better and lead more purposeful lives.   Plus, of course, being calm feels so great and makes us better parents, friends, partners.

Finally, we are on vacation.  Whew.  I wasn’t sure we were going to make it.  A melt down by one of the boys (twice), a melt down by mom (once), a lot of packing, arranging, cleaning (got to have a clean house upon our return!) and a cab that never arrived to pick us up for the airport (thanks to my fantastic friend for pitching in at the last-minute to save us!).

Why is it so much work to do something that’s supposed to be so relaxing?  This time we chose not to use a travel agent and do all the research ourselves.  That might have been too big a job – causing a bit of stress on the preparation side … (well, I’ll let you know how well we did when we get to our various hotels).

We’re looking forward to the warmth, some time together, some baseball (yea!), some extra sleep (for me), some eating out (the boys), working out and relaxing (my daughter) and, of course, an adventure or two.

I am hoping they love each other more on vacation than they do at home.  Could I be asking too much???  We’ve already had the “discussion” about where they sit in the car, who is pulling which suitcase and whether they need a sweatshirt at dinner (even here they argue about whether to take a sweatshirt — some things never change!)

Here’s to a great first day.  Hope you have a fantastic one as well!

Have you ever lost it with your kids and then regretted it five minutes later?  Yea, that’s a dumb question.  If you’re a parent, the answer has to be yes.

Intellectually I know that no matter how well-behaved our kids are and no matter how patient we are – the general stress and strain of life will wear us down so that we just don’t have the patience we want.  Sometimes our emotional responses don’t match our kid’s behaviors.  Sometimes, our kids are less than perfect and our frustration matches their conduct.

Last night I lost it with my kids.  I came home after a long day, which started at 5:30 a.m., only to find three kids at home, watching TV (and the evil Xbox) with three very dry and unused shovels in the garage.  I was livid.  How could they come in the house without thinking of shoveling?  How did they fail to complete the one task I gave them, which was to take the “list” and pack for our trip? Why were their clothes all over the living room floor?  What where these kids doing all day while I was running around like a crazy woman.  I just couldn’t maintain my composure.  I literally had steam coming out of both my ears.

So, I lost it, got in my car and took a drive to cool off.  Sadly, we can never be gone for long because often the reason why we lost it was the stress of all the things we have to do!  So, a long time out in Bermuda, for example, or even the MOA is not likely feasible.  You’ve likely just got enough time to get a cup of coffee at SA and come home.

I know this happens to all of us.  And, when we are composed, the best course of action is simply to apologize.  The advantage of an apology (in any situation) is that it allows us to reveal our vulnerability, thereby giving our children permission to reveal theirs.

There are times when you have to be firm.   You know what I am talking about — those times where your voice is steely and the words come out purposefully.  When this happens my kids know that I’m serious.  Unfortunately, it’s those times when I let my emotions get in the way, like last night, when I’m less than believable and effective.

Maybe you can relate to all this.  If so, welcome to the joy-filled world of completely imperfect parenting!  Gotta love it (and cut yourself some slack too!).

Stay calm and have a great day!

How would you answer this?  Most times I would just say that I want them to be good people.  I want them to be happy and “successful.”  But I have difficulty defining success.  Is it their grades, their sports, how much money we have or maybe the way they are with their friends and family? What does “success” mean?

Here’s my favorite “lesson” on this subject.  Even if you’ve read it before, it bears repeating:

Ten mothers sat in a coffee shop and talked about all the things they wanted for their kids.

The first mother said, “I wish I could give my kids lots of money so they could have everything they want and be financially free.”

The second mother said, “I wish I could give my kids knowledge to help them succeed in life. Learning is the way to growth and knowledge is the key to success.”

The third mother said, “I wish I could give my kids wonderful friends to keep them company for the rest of their lives.”

The fourth mother said, “I wish I could give my kids strength to overcome all the difficulties in life.”

The fifth mother said, “I wish I could give my kids compassion and kindness towards themselves and towards others, for compassion and kindness bring all people together and make us one.”

The sixth mother said, “I wish I could give my kids acceptance to help them flow with the stream of life and lead them to spirituality.”

The seventh mother said, “I wish that I could give my kids gratitude for all that the universe has to offer them.”

The eighth mother said, “I wish I could give my kids perfect health so they can experience the world with all their senses.”

The ninth mother said, “I wish I could give my kids love. Love is everything and love is the answer to all.”

The tenth mother said, “I want to give my kids happiness that can lead them to financial freedom, knowledge, friendship, strength, compassion and kindness. A happy, positive mindset will lead them to acceptance, gratitude, health and love, for happiness is the ultimate state of bliss and happy thoughts are the way to get there.”

So, I’ve been asking myself, am I doing the right thing by my children? Am I giving them too much on the front end so they won’t appreciate it when it’s their turn to earn it?  Will they find that inner peace and happiness that’s so critical in life?

What do you want for your children?  Good question to ponder on this Sunday morning.

Have a great day!

I can be a tough mom (no comments, kids!).  My kids will say that I make them tow the line for things like school, doing the right thing, helping others, respecting family, etc.  Yet, I do not tow the line when it comes to forcing them to eat what I cook (assuming I’m actually cooking). We have most meals together but last week we had this conversation:

Me:  I’m going to start dinner now and I was thinking of grilled cheese and soup with fruit and veggies.  I want to try the George Forman on grilled cheese! How’s that sound?

Easy girl: Sure, that sounds great!

Dark boy: I’ll just have frozen mac and cheese.

Me: That wasn’t really an option but let me check with your brother to see what he wants.

Light boy: I’ll have frozen taquitos.

Me: Boys, I suggested something totally different and more healthy.  I want to make one meal today, is that too much to ask?  How about I make pasta with homemade meatballs?

Easy girl: Sure, that sounds great!

Dark boy: Mac and cheese (at this point, he’s playing on the Xbox and doesn’t want to be bothered).

Light boy: I’ll have that left over pizza and some strawberries.

Me: Seriously guys, this isn’t going well.  We are still on the three different meal trains and I am already not super interested in cooking dinner.   How about tacos?  I’ve got all the fixings and I can brown some meat.

Easy girl: Sure, that sounds great!

Dark boy: Why does every meal have to be healthy?

Light boy: Can I have oatmeal?  Is that healthy?

Me: How about I make omelets for dinner?

Easy girl:  Sure, that sounds great!

Light boy: I’m not really hungry.

Dark boy: You’re not listening to me.  You hate it when I don’t listen to you.  Mac and cheese.

Light boy: (the one who wasn’t hungry is now rummaging through the cupboard and eating anything in sight).

Me: If you’re not hungry, don’t eat from the cupboard!

Light boy: (looks at me with confusion and shock that I am going to prohibit the standing-by-the-cupboard-grazing-dinner).

Dark boy:  I’m not hungry anyway (calling for his brother to come play Xbox).

Easy girl: (looking up from her phone) Mom, I’m going out with (best friend’s) family for dinner.

Me: Fine.  Forget it.  I’m going to close down the kitchen and take some time for myself!

(17 1/2 minutes later – while I am taking my first relaxation moment of the day week month)

Light and Dark boy:  Mom, we’re starved!  When’s dinner??

Me: (cue – sound of me opening a bottle of wine)

Have a wonderful weekend (we’re going out for dinner tonight!).

I bit the bullet and joined AARP.  My excuse was less than noble — I’m getting a nice discount on something.  I remember telling you that the invitation to join arrived just after my 50th birthday.  I was pissed and threw it in the garbage.  How dare they!!

But these people find you.  They send you stuff, sample magazines, mail showing big discounts for things you normally buy.  The price was a measly $12.  I spend that much money on some coffee to keep my old body awake!

So, I started thinking:  What else might this organization give me other than a card and some discounts?  Can they get me a fake ID?  I’ve never had one and I noted that there are more discounts for the over 65 group – any of my over 65-year-old friends want to lend me their ID?

So, after filling out the application, having the computer give me the spinning color wheel during the process (only fitting that the computer would slow down and get caught up as I’m trying to join the old person’s club), I came up with reasons (justifications) for why getting older is Grrrreat (as Tony the Tiger would say … showing my age again?):

1. Being older brings more confidence than when we were younger.  Less anxiety and less need to prove ourselves.  We are not afraid to try something new.

2. We are sharper, smarter, stronger (sorry kids, but I really believe this … and will until I go!).

3. We can talk about our ailments (including our intestinal issues) out in the open and know that most of our friends have the same thing!  We don’t even notice that we fart any more.

4. We are cooler thinkers (we don’t rush to judgment) but we are hotter in our passion (sorry again, kids … adults, you know what I’m talking about (s$# is better with age!)).

5. We are actually willing to consider the possibility that we’re wrong.  This is really a gift of old(er) age!

6. We are much more conscious of the little things people do — the driver who stops and lets me cross the street, the newspaper man who brings my paper directly to the door when he sees that I’m up.  We are more gracious and we understand that we really are zero by ourselves.

7. Grandkids (no hurry to my kids, but just know I’m counting on it!).

8. We no longer have to justify every dime we spend. And, we have more dimes to spend!

9. We have more fun stories (I have at least 195 of them now!) and our hearing is so bad that we can’t hear all the stories our friends want to tell us (or we’re in the bathroom when they’re talking!).

10. We enjoy every day of life and don’t feel the need to rush it along to get to the “next” thing.

So, now I’m a card-carrying AARP member.   I’m happy to share my discount on Depends, which came in the mail yesterday!

Have a great day!

Do you know this story by Judith Viorst?  Alexander was having a very bad day from start to finish:

Alexander knew it was going to be a terrible day when he woke up with gum in this hair.

And it got worse…

His best friend deserted him (for his third best friend). There was no dessert in his lunch bag. And, on top of all that, there were lima beans for dinner and kissing on TV!  

Yesterday was one of those days for me.  It was made infinitely worse when at the end of the day, and after finishing my post on my freaking bad day – my entire post somehow disappeared and I had to start all over …

Yes.  It was a terrible day.

My day involved a cop, an attorney (mine), a judge, a pair of ripped nylons (mine), too many meetings to make any of them on time, too many children needing to be picked up and driven at times that I wanted to be working,  And, not enough time to get a workout in (the worst!).

Moreover, I didn’t have lunch (well, I ate my lunch at 10:30 a.m., which shows you how bad it was by then)!  My ex  lost it with me in my house at the end of the day (even divorced people argue).  And, I didn’t have coffee until 7:30 p.m. (thank you to my very, very good friend who took me out after hearing me cry on the phone at 7:15 p.m. about my horrible day …  (see, you got 2 very’s)).

How did I fix it?  Well, I couldn’t really.  All I could do was try to find some peace before I went to bed.  So, I made pop corn, I finished the laundry, I put on my p.j.’s and I turned up the heat (nothing’s worse than having a bad day, being tired and being cold!), I got my yoga mat out and tried my 9th day of meditation (tried is the operative word).

I’m sure today will be better.  It always is!  In any case, when those bad days come along (and they will) try to look at the positive parts (if you can!) and remember that it’s only one day — we can deal with anything for one day!

I hope you all have a stress-free, happy, wonderful, very good day!