So how to do you deal with that annoying, passive-aggressive, whiny, hostile, negative or martyred person or colleague in your life? At times in my life, difficult people have put me over the edge! If this blog title caught your eye, you likely know what I’m talking about!
At my first law firm, there was a woman partner that was so mean – I can actually say brutally mean. She was having an affair with the associate at my level and because I was his “competition” she did everything she could to bring me down. In the end, I left (best thing I could have done) and I hear that she is still a b&%$#. Sadly, I was so unsure about myself as a lawyer back then, that I let it get to me, causing me great stress and many sleepless nights.
We all have to deal with difficult or mean people in our lives. We may have a co-worker who is grumpy and antagonistic. We have to deal with teenagers or others in our lives who may be frustrated with who they are or where they want to go. On top of all that, we have spouses and friends (who are human) who react overly emotionally to situations.
Over the years, I’ve developed strategies for dealing with the different types of difficult people in my life (sometimes opening a bottle of wine, sometimes running farther and faster, and sometimes just giving up and hiding!). However, the rational – newly minted 50 year old me, understands that I need appropriate ways to deal with these people:
1. Understand that you can’t change them. There is very little you can do to effect change in other people. You can only hope to manage your own experience, thoughts and actions and it is almost a relief to know that it is not your job to change them.
2. Respond but don’t react. When you react, you are accepting responsibility for their actions and thoughts. The negative feelings are theirs and there is no reason to accept or approve of them.
theyearof50 