Yes, the ever popular topic of our habits, patterns and fear. Some good, some neutral and some we would rather not mention. The good habits really don’t need much analyzing. Enjoy and appreciate them. It’s the habits and patterns that arise out of our fear that are problematic.
Any activity will become a pattern or a habit if we repeat it often enough. For example, driving a car: at first all we could do was clutch the wheel and look forward. Eventually we can drive, listen to the radio, talk with out kids and think about life.
This is true for emotional habit and patterns. Once we have them, they are so ingrained, that they run, consciously and unconsciously – in the background of our lives, like those tapes I’ve been talking about. Various programs (or people) launch these tapes and cause us to act, sometimes in not so great ways.
I think that many of these habits patterns are laid down as a result of fears from our childhood. These are things happen to us as kids that we quietly carry with us as adults. Often they are perceptions of ourselves that become embedded in beliefs. The belief becomes a story that we play on those tapes, over and over again. Before we know it these perceptions become our truths.
The biggest of all fears, that becomes a truth, is that we are not good enough, not worth enough of being loved.
This story, that we are not worthy of love, is just that, a story and yet it influences all aspects of our life. We become on guard. Scanning the horizon for evidence to support those tapes, to support our “truth.” Think of the times (I have many of them!), where we react instantly to some comment or action against us that starts the tape playing, preventing us from hearing or experiencing the moment. Sometimes, it results in us blowing up at someone in a hurtful way, as if we were a young child. When we come to our senses we ask ourselves, “what is the matter with me?”
Then, comes our regret.
How can we break this habit and pattern? Become aware. Someone one once wrote that a fear is like the dark, it “disappears once you turn the light on, although sometimes we need to keep turning the light on!” We are not perfect and our habits, patterns and fears are part of our imperfections. But if we embrace them, look at them and turn the light on (even if multiple times!), we can start letting them go – for the benefit of ourselves and those who love us.
So, choose to become aware of your fears (it’s your responsibility), do the work to make the change, allow for mistakes and then continue your efforts. Eventually, your fears will end and the desired perception will become the new default tape. The one that you CAN play over and over again.
Have a wonderful day!
theyearof50 