Monthly Archives: February 2013

There are many reasons why I can not be compared to Jennifer Lawrence (“JL”), not the least of which is she is 22, she’s hot (as my boys say) and can act!

Last night I was walking into a wine bar and tripped on something. Maybe the doorway.   Maybe the rug in the doorway.  I had not had one glass of wine yet! Hey, maybe I could compare my trip to Jennifer Lawrence’s trip (way to be delusional, Jessica (“JLR”)).   Just to be clear in my mind, I’ve listed the similarities and differences:

1. Dress at time of trip:  JL  – Dior Couture / JLR – Macy’s with a hint of Target.

2. Food intake before fall:  JL – Nothing / JLR –  at least five meals during the course of the day and still looking forward to food at the wine bar.

3. Age at time of fall: JL – 22 / JLR – older than Methuselah and aging by the second.

4. Comment at time of fall:  JL – f*%$ / JLR – f*%$.

5. Alcohol before the fall: JL – yes / JLR – no, but wish I would have.

6. Alcohol after the fall: JL – likely many, many drinks / JLR – two, which was one too many!

7. Who helped after the fall: JL – Hugh Jackman / JLR – a stranger walking in the door.  He did not look or dress like Hugh Jackman.

8. What did people do after the fall: JL – talk about how endearing it was and gave her a standing ovation / JLR – odd looks from the patrons at the bar and a comment from my friend wondering if I do “this” often.

9. What did she trip on: JL – her dress or waxed stairs / JLR – nothing. Absolutely nothing.

10. How many times the “trip” has been replayed: JL – tens of thousands (and still going) / JLR – this particular trip? None. But I will replay this skilled act over and over again … I’m just that graceful!

While there is only one similarity between Jennifer Lawrence and me (apparently, our foul mouths), I can at least feel good that we all have trouble sometimes — some trip over beautiful expensive dresses and some over our own 50 year-old feet.  Yup, feeling pretty frisky today!

Have a safe day!

I found a column the other day by Harvey Mackay. While he may not be my favorite columnist (better ones in the NYT or Economist), he does have a few interesting things to say.  I liked this one and cut it out for the fridge so the kids would read it.  I’m sure by this point you think I must have a fridge full of articles, sayings, etc., I don’t.  I usually only have ONE up at a time.  I like focus, not clutter, on my fridge and in my house (no groans from those who think I am over the top-type A obsessed with my house being picked up and clean!).

Here’s his list of things not taught in school:

1. Life isn’t fair: Isn’t that the truth?? (I do recall the principal saying this to me in middle school when he gave me in-school suspension for … well, let’s move on!)

2. Think outside the box: No question that creativity is the key to success and this should be hammered home to our children.

3. Exercise is good for you: I became a runner at 40.  It changed my life. I hope my kids experience the great feeling that comes after a work out.  It’s a mind-clearer!

4. Be nice to everyone: “It’s nice to be important, but more important to be  nice.”

5. You do not get what you want, you get what you negotiate: Stand up for what you want and who you are.  Don’t just wait for it to happen because you “want” it – make it happen.

6. Good manners never go out of style:  Absolutely no explanation needed here.

7. Visualization: This is an interesting one. I know that athletes visualize a win.  I visualize a judge agreeing with my argument!  My kids must visualize how nice I will be after my run!  See the success before it happens!

8. Practice humility:  I agree that this is a lost art in the world of self promotion.  This is not downplaying what you’ve already done.  This means acknowledging that there are always others involved in your ideas and your success … always.

9. Encouragement is oxygen for the soul:  I feel very strongly about this one.  People love us for how we make them feel.  If you are not making your loved ones feel good, then look at how you encourage them … it is a very powerful tool.

I need a reminder every day to pay attention to these things.  I want to be more self-aware on a daily basis — even if just for a few minutes.  Maybe you feel the same way.  Our legacy, is not only what we do.  But, what our kids will do with these lessons that they don’t teach in school.

Have a wonderful day!

I am totally sick of making dinner.  I don’t mean I need a night off.  I mean I don’t want to do it anymore!  You would think this would be easy.  I go to the organic food store every few days to stock up on fresh fruits, vegetables and meats.  Cook healthy food, clean and do it again the next day.

My kids would say that for the most part, they like what I cook and no one seems hungry.  But, I’m bored.  I am sick of cooking chicken.  I am tired of the same crock pot recipes.  I don’t want a big mess that I have to clean up.  I have 30 different cookbooks.  I read them as if they were novels.  They have tabs from my excited reading and planning but that’s often as far as I get.

I’ve got to change this up. I’m feeling desperate, beaten and broken by this meal planning thing.

Then, a miracle happens at the office: my partner tells me about her George Forman Grill.  She says she can make frozen chicken, burgers and grilled vegetables!  She says the kids can use it to make dinner themselves.  What? OMG!    Seriously?   Anyone own one of these?  A former boxer is going to save my life?

I’m giddy with excitement when I get home.  I get online to investigate this thing. I read that Forman was not the creator but simply the person to endorse the grill.  Hulk Hogan claims that he was offered the contract for the grill first, but missed his agent’s phone call because he was “picking up the kids.”  Hogan ultimately endorsed a blender and then his own grill (ok, I got a bit off task).

I research the choices:  They have 30+ kinds of grills … the Classic Plate and the Removable Plate. Different colors. Different options for cooking and cleaning.  I feel myself getting overwhelmed but totally thrilled!  It says you can make meat, veggies, grilled cheese and pizza!  I start to plan my first indoor Forman recipe:

Deluxe Chicken Burgers

• 1/4 cup finely chopped apple
• 1/4 cup finely chopped parsley
• 1/4 cup seasoned bread crumbs
• 1/2 teaspoon salt and pepper

Combine chicken, apple, parsley, bread crumbs, salt and pepper. Form into patties. Grill.

Anyone else fallen in love with George Forman?  I may even be able to stop looking for a wife!  What will they think of next?

Have a great day!

My very intuitive son asked me a question the other day (he asks me the most amazing questions), which was: “People tell me to be a leader, but what does that really mean?  What would it look like based on what I do?”  Wow.  Where did this cool kid come from?  I used to just ask my mom if I could have $10 (life was simpler back then!):

I hesitated for a second and then gave him the following list (based on an article by Peter Barron Stark) of 10 elements of a leader who people respect and admire:

1. Integrity:  Obvious.  If you lack integrity, no one will trust you and no one will see you as a role model.

2. Vision: You must have a vision about life and people and looking to make both better.

3. Passion: Leaders believe in what they are doing and their efforts to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

4. Humility: If you are a humble leader it is easier to: (a) Thank people for their contributions; (b) Admit when you are wrong; and (c) Be respectful – regardless of your social status or position in the company.

5. Learning: Leaders are “active learners who can quickly put to use what they have learned.”

6. Decision Making: You need to be able to make decisions with the big picture view – with others in mind … not just yourself.

7. Pride: How you look or work tells people how you feel about yourself and it helps them work to feel good about themselves as well.

8. Confidence: When you have these traits, it is easy to be confident and humble at the same time.

9. Follow-Through: Do what you say you are going to do.

10. Win: Work to produce the desired result or goal and if you don’t, try again.

I have added my own thoughts to Stark’s list but I think he is quite right about these 10 qualities, which he directed toward adults.  Yet, it really does fit for my son (and all our youth) too.

Honestly, these are things we should all strive for.  Even in our daily life … we should work toward making a difference — that’s what a good leader does.  Some people want or need to make a difference in a big way and others of us do it in small ways every single day. It doesn’t matter how … it just matters that you do!

I hear the birds chirping this morning!  Have a great day.

I see a lot of movies.  I guess it’s my escape.  Last night I got the chance to see the movie, Quartet.  I am an opera lover (and of course strings as well) and this movie was filled with bits of both.  While not a flashy movie, it was really delightful to watch.  But, the meaning went beyond the music for me.

For those who’ve seen it, the plot revolves around many retired musicians and singers, who live in a retirement home in the English countryside, which is in danger of closing down due to lack of funds.  As fate would have it, four of the greatest opera singers that England has ever known are reunited for a fundraising gala to save the home.

The music is certainly one of the stars of the film – with its quick, cursory journey through some of the biggest and best-known classical musical pieces and arias. At every turn you see real musicians and operatic stars performing.  That part is fantastic!

But the real message for me was about getting older.  It is happening to all of us.  Even when we say we don’t feel “our age” – the truth is we are getting older.  Yet,  the big question is “what are we going to do about it?”

The answer, of course, lies in each of us.  It seems easy not to worry in our 40’s, 50’s and even our 60’s.  But we are getting older (and wiser!) and how we embrace those changes will make the process easy or hard.

Look, I go to the bathroom way more at night than I used to.  I wake up often, I have to work harder to stay in shape, my aches are a bit more in the morning.  But what do I get in return?  My kids are older and so much more fun to be with.  I’ve figured out how to have an incredible relationship with my father (something I clearly didn’t get when I was younger), and I know now, more than ever, what I want and who I want to be with during this next part of my life.

We never think that we’ll become old  — We think we will hold on to our minds and bodies forever … I guess that’s a natural response.  This film was a gentle reminder to me of the beauty of music and the joys and realities of getting older.

My take away — If you embrace every day and surround yourself with those you love, you will have no regrets.  And that, my friends, is the goal, isn’t it?

Have a lovely day!

There’s a lot of talk about giving up “things” for religious holidays.  All religions seem to have this sort of time during the year where they sacrifice something for some period of time.  This made me think of all the things I am willing to give up (Note: these are not the things I THINK I should give up nor are they the things I WANT to give up … just the ones I am WILLING to give up … for right now!).

Here’s my top 20 (I have a feeling there are a few blogs out of this list!):

1. First place in line at Costco when it opens;
2. Giving my kids “Just five more minutes ” on the XBox (sorry kids);
3. The last word in an argument;
4. Forty cents a day, which adds up to $12 a month, which gives a village in Africa, clean water (we can all do this);
5. Frowning;
6. Other people who frown;
7. Hot yoga at 6 a.m. when I know I am going to be late:
8. Eating after 8 p.m., 9 p.m., and in the middle of the night (all of which I do frequently);
9. Expecting people will change;
10. All my purple clothes (someone once said I looked like Barney, when I wore my purple sweater – nice!);
11. Watching all the Final Four Games on my phone (I’m going to watch them on the computer this year!);
12. One argument with each of my children;
13. Setting my alarm 5 minutes early to “fool” myself that I am getting an extra five minutes when I hit the snooze…who am I kidding?;
14. Second dates (If I wasn’t sure on the first one);
15. The first 15 parking places closest to the door;
16. Swearing in the car (well, how about only when the kids are there);
17. Worrying for some portion (even if it is one minute) of every hour;
18. Begging the kids to do the shoveling,  picking up their rooms or the laundry – I give in the towel on that one (pun intended);
19. Trying to grocery shop or go to Target without a list;
20. The extra three pieces of chocolate I have after my “mandatory” one piece of chocolate … which I have after each and every lunch (and sometimes dinner).

I’m going to pick a few of these items on the list and try giving them up.  I have a feeling I’ll be back writing about the chaos that will occur from the loss of these things in my life!

Drive safely today!

Yesterday, while trying to get out of downtown at 5:15 (mistake number 345 for the day!), I got stuck at a light for 10 minutes … 10 minutes!!!  Needless to say, it ended an otherwise stressful day and gave me time to think about some of the driving things that really frustrate me (notice the lack of swear words … I used them all up in the car last night).

1. I am tired of people who let EVERYONE in before them:  I love civility on the road.  I teach it to my daughter.  I am the one waiving to people who let me in.  But sometimes people overdose on civility.  For example, when you merge onto the freeway you are supposed to merge like a zipper (that’s what my driver’s training teach told me!), alternating cars from either side.  Yet, sometimes a really “nice” driver will let car, after car, after car in.  Leaving all the other cars swerving to avoid an accident!

2. People who pass for no real advantage:  I don’t mind if someone passes me.  Maybe their wife is having a baby.  Maybe they forgot to pick up milk, dry cleaning, gift for her birthday. Those are emergencies. But don’t pass me at full speed if you are just going to have to stop at that red light 200 yards ahead, just like me.  Maybe they like to stop at red lights early so they can read their email?

3. People who camp out in parking lots waiting for a spot:  I think at the health club people have a parking spot reserved like their club locker because they literally park in the road sideways, waiting for “their” spot, blocking the entire road for anyone else.  I’m going to have to get my own reserved spot at the club, at Target and at the grocery store!

I’m sure you can think of a few more.  How about the people who go so slow through a light that you are forced to miss it but they get through?  Or how about the person who cuts in front of you only to immediately put their foot on their brake pedal?  Or maybe, the people who bought cars without blinkers!

In any case, as my daughter is learning to drive, these are a few of the things we watch and discuss.  Here’s what I said to her about defensive driving, “Look honey, just pretend that every other car has a driver that is either drunk or just snorted a line and they just have no idea what they are doing on the road.   That’s how you have to be thinking.”  Ok, maybe a bit harsh, but it will definitely make her watch the drivers around her!

Have a safe day!

Well friends, there are a few things that come to MY mind when I say “faking it” and the first is the big O (no, not Oprah).  And that would be an interesting topic if some kids weren’t reading this blog (sorry kids!).  We 50+ women (oh, and I suppose men too) LOVE this topic … but, I digress.

This is (kind of) about the other faking it … the things that people fake in their lives.  Here’s my non-exhaustive list of them:

• claiming you know something that you really don’t know anything about (in my profession … I see it all the time!);
• how much money you have (or don’t have);
• being nice to someone you don’t really like;
• whether you feel confident;
• your weight;
• giving an honest opinion because it will hurt the other person’s feelings;
• your resume:
• interest in sex with your spouse (again, sorry kids);
• your age (hmm, I might go for this!);
• a tan;
• REAL teeth color;
• plastic surgery.

Some of this may shift to the lying category, rather than the faking it category … that, I get.  I am talking about the former, not the latter.

There are situations that warrant faking.  I think it is ok to fake how you feel at certain times because it is easier to fake being happy and it feels better for other people.  Plus, I actually believe that faking it can make it a reality, not for O’s (I know you kids know what I am talking about but I just will not spell it out here!), but for many other things.  In other words, pretending you are happy may ultimately make you happy.

Of course, I am not suggesting that you don’t talk with those close to you about important issues in your life.  I am just saying that we control our emotions and all those Yahoo-referenced studies do say that being happy boosts the immune system, lowers blood pressure and reduces stress!

Sometimes we fake things  to mask insecurities and to feel better about ourselves.  We’re worried about how others might view us so we just pretend we know things or understand stuff.  This is true for motherhood.  We know almost nothing when we start.  And, we think that our children are a complete reflection of ourselves.  So, we try not to “fail.”  We want our kids to be perfect and our parenting to be the same (what is the perfect parent and can you tell me how to fake it??).  Anyway, we moms all know the utter relief we feel when we see someone else’s kid do the same thing ours has done and we realize that we do not have to fake our kids “perfection!”

Some things can’t be faked, like love, commitment, passion and your moral compass.  You also can’t fake compassion – which in my mind is the most important trait of all.  Don’t you agree?

I’m definitely not faking it when I tell you to have a great day … I hope you have one today!

We have all experienced this feeling – the desire to erase a bad memory. To move on and completely forget whatever painful event happened to us.

That was the basis for the movie – The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  The first time I saw the movie, I loved it (my date fell asleep about 10 minutes into – leaving me with all the popcorn!).  The movie was based on the epic poem by Alexander Pope, entitled Eloisa to Abelard.  If you have not seen the movie, I suggest checking it out.

Essentially two people fall in love but it just does not seem to work (although they desperately want it to).  They are so saddened by the failure of the relationship, that they have their memories of this relationship erased.  During the process the man realizes that he doesn’t want to forget, but it’s too late.  At some point later, they meet again. They have no memory of each other but feel how drawn they are to one another.  Part way into this second encounter, they receive and listen to the “tapes” of their memories and they realize that they once loved each other but that it had failed.  They are left trying to decide if they can use their bad memories to make it better … Essentially, the life question is: what do bad memories do for us?

I have often wanted to erase bad or sad memories.  This is different from erasing our mind tapes. Tapes simply distort the reality of who we are and where we should be – and they should be erased.  Memories are very different.

There are times (certainly for me) where I’ve felt that my life would be less painful if I could just get rid of certain memories. Yet, I have to admit (although I really don’t want to) that if I were able to destroy bad memories, I would also end up destroying good memories in the process. Just like there can be no light without the dark, maybe there can be no good memories without bad.  Memories make us who we are.

Maybe I like the notion of erasing some memories because then I don’t have to deal with the reality of the mistake.  Recently, my son and I had a conversation about something that he did that he desperately wished he had not done.  I could feel his angst.  He wanted to forget the situation ever happened.  However, I told him that if he erased that memory, he likely would do the “thing” again and then would have no basis to learn.

As I’ve said many times:  Our mistakes make us who we are. As painful as that is, erasing them is just denying our flaws instead of learning from and dealing with them.

So on that, ultra deep thought for the day – I hope you can just appreciate that which is painful, embrace it and learn from it.  It makes you the fantastic person that you are!