I had a great conversation last night about relationships where we agreed that you don’t just get lucky and have a great relationship. You build it brick by brick. Of course, we all know this to be true but what we often forget is that even when we are arguing or disagreeing, we are building – and from that disagreement we often come back stronger, with a few more bricks in the joint wall. Fantastic idea!
As we spoke (sometimes him talking and sometimes me talking – sometimes heated and sometimes not!) I began to write down notes about our thoughts:
To have a great relationship, start with yourself. It is never too late for improvement of ourselves. We are never the perfect partner – we must focus on looking internally – to better ourselves first. We should also be saying “what can I do to make him feel better.” Not, “what can he do to make me feel better.” Of course, the reverse must be happening!
Say thanks. If you both show your appreciation and gratitude for the small acts of kindness, you will find yourselves falling in love over and over again. I read once that happy couples say it is important not only to show kindness to the world, but also to each other. Cool!
Be faithful. The same article noted that happy couples say they never want to make their partner feel insecure about their love or doubt their loyalty. It is not enough to be faithful. You have to make sure not to give the appearance that you are anything but faithful. That means you don’t do or say anything in public or private that you wouldn’t want your partner to see or know about.
Do things together and have some fun. Shared activities connect you and bring you closer. Having fun solidifies the good feelings and gets you though the tough times. Think of it as an insurance policy. Focus on what you admire about each other and say it out loud!!
Attitude, Attitude, Attitude. Look at differences between you as a way to learn more about your partner … not shut them out. Many problems are solved with the right attitude about these differences.
Don’t make winning the priority. When disagreeing, don’t make winning the goal. Have the attitude or goal of wanting to listen with an open mind. Listen to the feelings not the words. Critically important — don’t put the other person down when you are angry.
Resolve issues quickly. There will be disagreements. Don’t avoid conflict. Think of anger as a sign that something needs attention, not that there is a fatal flaw. It means that someone’s needs are not being met. A great relationship must be safe for both partners to express and resolve anger and differences without fear that the other person will walk.
Relationships are built and last on top of thousands of bricks, put in place in the good times and the not-so-good times. It is a fantastic process!
Have a wonderful day.
theyearof50 