Who is in your “family?”

Last night I had dinner with my father, my sister, her husband, my brother and his girlfriend.  I don’t see my brother as often as I like and he has the most delightful significant other.  She is from Thailand and has a wonderful way of being herself.  As I sat at dinner and looked around the table, I began to think about my “family.”  Who is in my family and how do I define it?

My definition of family is something like, “people with whom I have bonds of love and commitment.”  So, in other words, for me, family is not just about the actual structure but also about the quality of the relationships.  It’s really about shared values, beliefs, and traditions; common experiences and activities; and unconditional, non-judgmental love and support.  Clearly not just blood, in my book.

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think you can compare your parents, lets say, with a close friend.  Our parents are those people who teach us to discriminate between right and wrong and how to love and live in the world, among and other things. They help build our foundation which helps us move forward in healthy ways.  With friends, if you lose a friend, chances are you will meet a new one.  If you lose a parent, you can’t just get a new one.  There is something different about the bond with our parents.  And our children?  Well, that’s a whole different ball game all together, isn’t it?

I guess I’m speaking in the broader sense.  For example, I’ve experienced many different kinds of families – like “religious “families” that have spiritual connections and shared values, even though we were not formally related.  Or, work families, where we had common experiences and share activities without blood relations.  There are social networking/technology “families” where people create online or virtual families of individuals who share their beliefs, hobbies and values even if they have never met in person. We even marry into families and then they become our family!  I’m looking forward to that some day!

So, as I thought about it last night at dinner I realized that it really doesn’t matter how I define family.  What matters is that I let those people know that the bonds of love and affection are so strong that they fit within my definition of family.  I don’t have to rate them or decide which one is stronger.  All I need to do is tell them I feel that way.  Nothing feels better than hearing that someone feels so strongly about you that they consider you “family.”

Have a wonderful start to your weekend!