All of our relationships are built on trust. I’m fairly clear on that. However, I recently read an article on how stress can break down the trust in a relationship. Of course, I knew that but it really made me think about this issue in my own life and relationships.
I would venture a fairly educated guess that my marriage ended, in large part, to an overwhelming amount of stress that we suffered in a short period of time (turns out we are really very different people but stress prevented us from any reasonable attempt to work through those issues). We both were not mature enough to deal with it at the time but in hindsight, I can see it as clear as day (and my part as well).
Whatever the cause of the stress within a relationship; not sharing problems with your partner, can lead to major relationship issues. The sad part of this statement is that often the “issue” is something that can be dealt with by both parties, rather than allowing it to fracture the relationship or eat into the trust that is so important for every relationship.
One of the first steps is admitting that the stress is getting to you. Many of us claim that we are “fine” when we really aren’t. I was in a relationship where the stress was overwhelming for my partner, but he always said he was OK. He wasn’t and it affected me, our relationship and those around him.
When one person can actually admit that they are stressed out (a sign that the person is being vulnerable), his/her partner should be supportive and find a way to lessen the effect of the stress. This assumes, of course, that the partners are able to let each other help and can admit to the vulnerability piece – a difficult task indeed and can own their own part (a critical element).
Use this same process with your kids. I find that I have the shortest fuse and am the worst listener when I am stressed out. This affects the children, our discussions and my own well-being. I have made a point of admitting to my kids when my stress gets in the way of our family. I am human, after all!
I am off for a bit of yoga and a nice smelling candle. Stress-reduction at its best! Have a great day!
theyearof50 