Call it what you like … peeved, frustrated, mad … we all get Angry once in a while. When anger is managed well, it can be healthy. It can show us where issues are arising in our lives, it can help us take those issues and resolve them and sometimes it can be a motivator for self-reflection and change. However, anger can be damaging and, when handled poorly, can affect our health and relationships.
While being angry may make us feel good for a very short while, it actually has the opposite effect on our partners and loved ones. In fact, few emotions are less endearing than anger. Truth be told, anger just fuels the feeling of “it’s me against the world” mentality. This, sadly, will often destroy your relationships – personal and professional.
There are positive ways to deal with anger (again, we all have it). First, it’s important to find the trigger for anger. What brings it to the surface? Is it old tapes? Or, are you upset about other things and just taking it out on the person closest to you?
Second, one must find a way to take a “time-out.” Just move away from the situation and clear your head (but let people know what you are doing so they don’t think you’ve just left). It is critical to cool down before the name-calling and degrading argument begins.
Finally, once in a calmer state, you can come back with the “I” statements regarding your feelings. You can actually discuss and find a way to manage the situation and your own feelings. Plus, this can be a time to look at your own anger and review whether it is misplaced or not.
One problem in relationships (friendships, with kids or with partners) is learning to take responsibility for our own actions. While situations may contribute to an angry feeling, you are ultimately responsible for your own response. So, if someone makes you angry, first look inside and see if you are part of the problem. If so, getting mad at someone else won’t help unless you address you part.
I’ve tried to tell my kids that being upset or angry is not bad – it’s normal. It’s just what you do with it that can be damaging. This is the think first, open mouth second philosophy that I keep trying to impart on them (and myself!).
Have a wonderful day!
theyearof50 