Does anyone you know play the games of “Lunch Bag,” “See What You Made Me Do,” or Why Does This Always Happen To Me?” How about, “If It Weren’t For You,” “You Son of A B*&%$” or “Harried?” Although we can’t buy these games at the big box retailers, we can find them at the Transactional Analysis theory-store! They are born out of my most recent read, Games People Play, by Eric Berne. They are the names of some of the common games that people play (people we know and love!). Let me describe a few … see if anything sticks!
Lunch Bag is an example of the kind of fairly harmless game that we all play. For example, we can afford to have lunch at a restaurant but we bring our lunch each day. This give us benefits, such as control over our finances, eating in peace or catching up on work during lunch.
Now I’ve Got You, You Son of a B*&$# is played by people who search out opportunities to get angry with other people as a way of letting out the “pent-up furies of many years.” Any time they have even a tiny reason to feel that someone has done some injustice against them – however trivial – they will attack them anger.
See What You Made Me Do is a game played by people who don’t like to take responsibility for decisions, preferring to blame other people when things go wrong. Know anyone like that?
Harried is a game played by the harried wife or husband. For example, you take on everything that comes your way. You feel that you must be the best conversationalist, spouse, parent, interior decorator, caterer and diplomat and on top of that you also will volunteer that morning to bake a cake for school. Exhausting!
So why do we get involved in these games? Usually, it’s an attempt to cover up our own insecurities. No matter what the reason, these “games” form the basis of much of our social intercourse – at work, at social events and between spouses.
Game playing is fine when we are the only participants (as long as you are not being harmed) — sometimes it’s a motivator. Sometimes it’s ok with others … until someone gets hurt (which usually occurs). To stop the “games” we must first admit to ourselves, that we are playing a game. Then, we have to examine who is affected by our “game.” Sometimes, I play games with the kids because I want a particular outcome. Sure, I may get it, but is it the healthiest interaction? Not likely. I really need to be more open about what I need from them – rather than manipulate. I’ve been on the receiving end of game-players and it’s not fun.
Well, food for thought! I’m off to play “What Can I Do Today to Justify My Existence!”
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