Pleeeaaase — wikiHow has a whole page on the subject of how to look someone in the eye … It even has “how-to” steps: (1) relax (ok, with you on that one); (2) concentrate on just one eye (this sounds odd); (3) avoid staring (we are making eye contact – won’t we be staring?); (4) listen (good); (5) show eye magnetism (what the heck is that??); and (6) smile with your eyes.
Yesterday at the boys’ conferences I noticed how painful it was for them to look at the teacher who was giving them their “report.” I had to do the two-fingers-to-the-eye gesture so many times that I started hitting my glasses and leaving finger marks!
Why is this so difficult?? We all know that eye contact is an important aspect of communication. It makes us come across as more engaged, friendly, and confident. Also, it provides us with non-verbal information about what the other person is thinking and feeling. All of which is missed by looking down or away (as my boys did yesterday). Another benefit is that making eye contact forces you to put some of your energy into focusing on other people, which means you are less likely to drift off and totally lose the conversation (sound familiar?).
Someone once told me that when I speak to large groups it appears as if I am talking directly to each person. I do try to make eye contact and move around the room when I’m speaking but it’s usually to ensure that people aren’t falling asleep (and then I talk louder when I get near the sleeping individual!).
Recently, some researchers were looking at why direct eye contact with someone gives us that feeling of a special connection. Interestingly, they believe they’ve found “eye cells” in the part of the brain that processes emotions and social interactions. This finding could help those with autism and schizophrenia, which affect eye contact and social interactions. So many fascinating things happening out there!!!
In any case, this is one of those social etiquette-things (a skill worth cultivating) that I push on my kids (yea, what’s new?). They think that making eye contact is “awkward” and “scary.” I’m sure the scary part comes when I am “raising” my voice at them and want their FULL eye-contact attention! I know that you parents KNOW what I’m talking about!
Have a great start to your weekend!
theyearof50 