It’s conference time at the kids’ school. Yesterday was my daughter’s conferences and, if you don’t know this already, she has an auditory processing issue. It was a struggle for her until 6th grade. From that point forward (and now in the upper school) we hear the same things about her (all good) with one important emphasis … she’s a great self-advocate! I love that comment about her because I know how critical that skill is for life.
Self-advocacy is the ability to understand and effectively communicate one’s needs to other individuals. Self-advocacy used to be a term applied to adults with disabilities, but more recently the focus has been placed on teaching this skill to preteens and teenagers. This skill is important so that kids can learn how to (in a positive way) have their needs met in school, at home, with friends and in life.
For their first years, we are our child’s best advocate. We work hard to protect them from the harsh realities of life and we help them find their way with minimal harm. However, it is critically important to teach children to learn to advocate for themselves – to prepare them for the day when they are on their own (you mean there will be such a day?!). We can teach them how to study, take tests and clean their rooms but positive self-advocacy is difficult to teach and harder to learn.
There is a lesson here for us adults too because most of us don’t do a great job of positive self-advocacy. We may know what we want and need but we don’t put it out there – we don’t express it and then we (or our partners) become frustrated. When our needs aren’t met (obviously because no one knows what we need), we become even more frustrated … not the most positive process!
This journey of self-advocacy, self-education, and self-exploration is ongoing and knowledge is the key to this process. Think about it … like most things, the more you know, the better you understand and the easier it is to explain to someone. Thus, the goal is to get better at knowing yourself and your needs and then presenting those needs in a positive way, so they can be met! I give that same message to my kids: Know who you are, what you need (not what you want but what you need) and then tell (whomever) in a clear and positive manner.
As expected, my kids are ahead of me on the emotional IQ scale and clearly have this self-advocacy thing down (believe me, they are very good at self-advocacy at home!). Yet again, I realize that I’ve got my work cut out for me!
Do a little self-exploration today!
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