I was a teenager monster! Seriously. I ran away from home (went all of a mile, called my dad and asked him to pick me up!), I hung around with the “wrong crowd,” brought friends (secretly) into my house at all hours of the night … I think I made my mom’s life miserable – sorry mom (she died 13 years ago and I still miss her as much now as I did then).
Talk to my mom when I was a teenager??? No way! All my friends thought mine was the coolest mom. She listened to their deep dark secrets, had thoughtful responses, she was a “hip” dresser and made cookies when they were around. I, in turn, was embarrassed that she was my mom. I thought she had no idea how to listen to the smallest of my issues, she had the ugliest clothes (unless I needed something from her closet) and I hated the cookie thing! I totally missed the boat.
We had a few “things” come up this week. Nothing serious but I found myself wondering how my mom might respond in the same situation. While I’m thankful that my kids talk to me about what’s on their mind, I’m not so cocky as to think that it will always be like this. I know I need to keep working at it.
I started early with my kids. I wanted to keep the lines of communication open, trying not to judge (stink at that), making sure that I initiate conversations with them about every day items that relate to our lives and trying to actively listen (stink at that too). My goal is to learn to LISTEN not just while I am doing dishes or folding laundry – but when I can sit down and fully engage (I can just hear my kids wishing I wouldn’t say this stuff!). I think my mom did all that too – I just wasn’t paying attention.
I remember that somewhere in the 6-week period between my mom’s diagnosis and death, I begged her not to die. I told her that I needed her help during the teenage years – I didn’t want to do it without her. She promised me that my life with my daughter (and the boys – they were 6 weeks old when she died) would be different. Maybe she’s helping me. Maybe my kids are more advanced emotionally than I was at that age (highly likely!). Whatever the reason, I’m thankful for how it is right now.
I know it’s a lot of work when they are little but the real work is when they are teenagers. They are trying to wrestle control from you but all the while needing you to maintain some control and requiring open, non-judgmental conversations with a willingness to allow for their emotional growth.
We’re supposed to do all that and keep the rest of the world going at the same time? Calgon, take me away!!
Have a wonderful day!
theyearof50 