Last night I was out for dinner with a friend and we were talking about life in the single world. He’s been married, divorced and in and out of relationships. He said that it’s hard to commit because he hasn’t found his definition of “the one.” He mused about the current dating scene, the on-line and dating services. I told him that I recently heard that at our age friends with benefits means dating someone on social security (this really might be true!)
After we ordered our second glass of wine I took out a piece of paper and I told him to give me his “checklist.” I was a bit worried about making this suggestion but I was on my second glass of wine so what the heck!
Here’s the list: smart, happy, passionate and loving. Hmm, where were all the other things, attractive, physically fit, blonde (or fake blonde), other fake things, etc., etc.? Nope, that was it. “Well,” I asked, “do you think you’re putting your best into your relationships?” He hesitated and said, maybe not.
I struggled for a minute before I found and gave my advice —- OK, now please note that the woman whose been single for 10 years is about to give relationship advice!
I reminded him that if he wants the best a relationship can offer, then he has to put his best in. This is for all relationships – with our kids, our families and at work. The amount of energy and attention you give a relationship will determine its long-term success.
Great relationships just don’t happen; they happen because both people treat the relationship with care, respect, gentleness and thoughtfulness. Both is the operative word here. I read once that it’s easy to cut corners in our daily life. We do it all the time. I never balance my bank accounts to the penny every month. I also don’t remember to recycle every plastic bottle (ouch). Yet, if we cut corners in our relationships, we will never have the kind of relationships we want.
It really is about the little things (like the notes to our kids, quick calls to our family members, etc.) that show the other person that you care about them. My assistant has been with me almost 17 years. I hope it’s because she knows that she’s important to me all the time (I’m sure I’m a pain in the you-know-what but thankfully, she overlooks that!). Seriously, that’s what’s needed in all our relationships ….. To make any relationship a long-term success, the other person needs to know, see and feel that they matter.
I barely got started with the second glass of wine and it was time to head home. We hugged each other and while he was thanking me I told him I needed to thank him. The conversation was a good reminder about how I want to be in my relationships and how I want others to be toward me. Insightful.
Do something special for the ones you love today – no, every day!
theyearof50 