I went for a walk last night. The moon was out. The feeling of fall was in the air. I was “unplugged” and just experiencing the moment. If you’re like me, once it gets dark, I am in the house, cooking, cleaning, getting kids ready for bed. I don’t always take the opportunity to appreciate the beauty of the evening.
Moreover, evening is often when I have the least amount of patience. I am tired from the day, I usually see how much I still have left to do and I become a bit more short-tempered and controlling. Last night I made an effort to be different, to remain calm with the kids and just stay centered. For a bit, I almost got off track. Something came up and I immediately got trapped in my old ways – trying to control rather than recognize that I can only control my own thoughts, actions and behavior. I forced myself to step back and look at what I was thinking and feeling at that moment. This “stepping back” is a change for me – not trying to control a situation and more importantly not allowing situations to control me.
I love the notion that once we become calmer and more trusting of ourselves and our surroundings (and stop controlling) we actually become more comfortable in our lives. Really, control is just an illusion. It is a way of trying to prevent pain and uncertainty. Which is why trying to “control” a situation just brings anger and frustration. It also prevents us from taking a step back, looking at that situation with a clear lens and from being open (really with ourselves) about our feelings. For me, control can be a way of avoiding a look at my own issues – sound familiar??
So, I am trying (there’s that word again) to remind myself that I really can’t predict the future or even control it. I am thankful for where I am and what’s in my life right now and if that changes (and it always does!) I will be comfortable with the change and not try to control or prevent it. Life is all about staying present, accepting change and being comfortable with uncertainty of it all.
Have a great start to your week!
theyearof50 