Yes, I am a controlaholic. I’m going to start a therapy group (at a local bar). I don’t care if I am the only attendee because as you know I am perfectly happy having therapeutic conversations with myself (a .. yeah, like this blog!). Let me also admit that my control issues are more than just tendencies – they (I am now making my control issues “they”) are completely and totally ingrained in all the fibers of my body (no comments, kids). Sound familiar?
They say (who are “they?”?) that 92% of the things we worry about are beyond our control. How can that be? I’ve got a whole room in my cave dedicated to the justifications for my controlling behaviors. I was going to start a fundraising campaign to build an entire wing! Now “they” are telling me that 92% of those things I never could have controlled in the first place? Please tell me how it’s controlling to force my kids to take sweatshirts to school when it’s going to be 70 degrees “just in case.” Or to not let anyone else load the dishwasher “just in case” they can’t maximize the number of dishes in there (thanks to my friend for caring enough to call me out on my dishwasher issue). Frankly, as I read my words, and many that I’ve erased, I am beginning to wonder about myself!
What is at the root of my being a controlaholic? Simple. I want to avoid the pain and uncertainty of life’s curve balls. Who doesn’t? Yet, truth be told, some of my greatest revelations about myself and those around me have come from those curve balls.
I’m going to work on this by letting go of something small each week (I wrote each day but that was pushing it!). First, I will try not to control (or get upset about) whether the kids forget to leave at least one extra roll of toilet paper in the bathroom “just in case” I’m stuck without one (which happens quite often). I will work up to allowing my kids to decide whether they need the food I shove into their backpacks every day “just in case” (hey, I’m Italian). Then, I hope to begin letting go of things in my personal and professional life “just in case” the outcome results in my putting on a baseball glove and catching that 90 mile-an-hour curve ball … (Ok, give me a few months for that one!).
Have a wonderfully control-free Friday!
theyearof50 