I want to touch on one of my kids’ biggest complaints about me …. that I don’t listen. Normally I get defensive when they try to tell me I am not listening (which supports their position) or I become quite dismissive (further support) or just get so frustrated that I stop listening (is it possible that I never was listening?). If I am going to be honest (and why not) there are times when they are right – I am not a great listener. I also must admit that the kids are not the only ones to tell me this. Why is it I (we) have difficulty listening?
Usually, I do a couple of things when I am required to “listen” to someone talking to me about my position or attitude on something. First, I oh-so-quickly dismiss the discussion because I have made my decision before hearing the whole thing (I’ve already decided they are wrong and I am right!). Or, the response, “Yes, I’m listening,” when I really am not. I know this reaction because I have other people who do it to me … that glazed look on their face when I am talking means they have stopped listening – ever happen to you? All of the reasons for not listening to someone calling me on my “stuff” are based in fear – fear that they are right, that I have screwed up or that I just plain have lost control (there’s that word again). All of which could be true. Maybe you can relate.
Lately, I’ve been wondering if I miss a lot because I don’t always “listen.” What’s wrong with admitting that I am wrong or just not being right all the time? Why not be quiet and just listen ….? While I know I missed the class in law school on listening (ok, most of us lawyers did!) — I also think I just have not paid attention to the powerful nature of real listening. If we can’t listen to our kids or our friends call us on our stuff – how can we really listen to our own needs or the needs of others? Food for thought. So, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to listen to my body, which is screaming at me to get to the club right now, finish making the homemade french toast for the kids, do the dishes and head out the door. And, I am going to make an effort to have a good “listening” day. TBD!
Have a great Sunday!
theyearof50 